Learning how to think about the future

I have been dealing with the issues of having rsd in both arms and feet, and did not feel up to coming here very often. I have found that sometimes when I hurt that much, I just want to be left alone. My issue and I'm dealing with it. Sorry if I have been so out of touch with everyone here. It's not intentional, just my way of dealing with things. I hate to talk about what is happening to me, because by talking about it, it makes it more real. Guess I have been avoiding it, so I could advoid having RSD. Sadly, it doesn't work that way. I finally got up the guts to go into my work and face my co-workers. Last they had seen me was right before surgery on November 4, 2008. It was about what I expected,noisy people looking for a good gossip, but there was also caring, compassion, and true understanding from some. So I realized it should not have waited so long to go in and let them know what was happening with me. Management knew of course but couldn't say anything due to confidentialty laws. I feel better to have done this, but I am still very reluctant to talk to someone about my condition, so many people don't even know what it is. Makes it difficult to know what to say. Anyway, I had to take some time to work my head around the rsd traveling thing, and try to adjust to what is happening in my body right now. I thought I felt helpless with my arms affected, now I feel worthless with all extremities hurting, and it has taken a lot of pushing to get me back on my feet, and trying to do what I can. Several batches of produce went bad because I just could not get them canned up in time. I still have more to do, but mentally I am more likely to suceed in getting it done. I have had to learn my new limits with my feet involved, and find a rythym of working and resting. I don't do a whole lot, cook dinner 3 out of 5 nights, can a little here and there, etc..right now I am getting a load of stuff ready to go to good will. My husband and I have decided to clean out the clutter and clean up the house, not only to insure I can move around better, but to make it that much less stuff to move, should we decide to move back to washington. Now we probably wouldn't do that for an year or two, but at the rate I can get things done, better start now! I have also started water pt, it is too soon to tell if it is helping or making things worse. Acually, it feels great after I get used to the water touching me, by the end of the session, feels kind of good, then I have to get out and bare weight again, and that is where I'm not sure it's worth it, hurts like hell. Someone had commented why I try so hard, when it sounds like I need to go to the hospital. Well, way I look at it going to the hospital will do no good at all. I already know what can be done for me is being done by my doctor, sure they could give me a temp boost in pain medicine, but then I would have to deal with the pain coming back, and the ups and downs of that just aren't worth it. Then I would want the relief more often, and that would not be a good solution, so I'm just not going there ever.  I keep moving, urging my body to get used to the new pain levels, area of pain, and am trying to have a life of some kind, beyond pain and rsd. The only way I know how to do that, is get up, do something, and deal with it! I continue to use my tens unit, spa, and all the tools I have to manage the pain. But I refuse for the pain to be everything in my life. So I continue to do things, concentarating on doing it one step at a time! My husband is working on getting me to look to the future and moving back home. I have missed our home in washington and it's time to go back. We just have to work through the worker's compensation case, and then decide what we want to do. Gives me something to think about anyway.