Laughter Yoga, Walking Successfully To The Store And My Son Going To Move In

When she called me in I was talking to my guy friend out in the waiting area.  We finished and I was a little late coming in.  “Sorry,” I told her when I walked back into her office.  She commented that I was talking to my friend out there and I told her he’s looking to move and I was telling him of a couple places by me.  She asked me if I’m still looking to move.  I laughed and told her I’ll tell her about that later.  First I wanted to ask her a couple things like how well does she know ‘my name’.    I told her there’s a few things that happened this weekend and wanted her to guess a couple things.  She said she’s wanting to find out how the Laughter Yoga went.  I asked her how she thinks – what does she think happened.  She said she’s afraid to guess because she doesn’t want to guess wrong.  She said it could go either way, a 50/50 chance and she’s wanting it to be a positive thing.    I think I then went on with the second question about yesterday.  She said she knows I usually have my family over and maybe I tried something new at dinner.  I told her no, I wasn’t home for dinner.  My daughter & I went out with my friends after Laughter Yoga.  And my son was at a dog show with his girlfriend.  I knew she wouldn’t know so I gave her a hint.  I told her that we are no longer going to be empty nesters.  “Oh!”  I asked her to guess who.  She said my daughter and my grandson.  I told her I knew she’d say that but no.  I didn’t say but they have their problems with her boyfriend.  She guessed my middle son next.  Yes.  I asked her why didn’t guess my youngest.  She said because he was just here and because of his business out in his state.    I told her I’ll tell her the story later but I wanted to get into telling her about Laughter Yoga and it ties in later.  I also said that I wanted to go next door when I don’t have to go to the bathroom, whether we buy something or not, just so I know I can do it.  She said that’s a plan.  I told her how my husband and I went out to breakfast and did some shopping and came home and I was really bored again and looking for something to do.  My daughter’s boyfriend called and said my granddaughter wanted to come over and see her Nana.  I believe that.  I saw her earlier when I was picking up my grandson and she said how she’ll miss me when she’s at her Mom’s next week (she often says that).  So they came over and my daughter and grandson came over after his birthday party he went to.    My grandson was painting his Pinewood Derby car and I could tell my granddaughter wanted to paint, too.  I got her paper and also him.  I poured the paints in a paint pallet.  I looked at the time and saw I needed to get ready to go and tried to but they were constantly calling me in to pour more colors – even though there were other people out there – only Nana!  I had to change clothes, put Little Bertha on (it is so uncomfortable and a constant reminder it’s there I told her) and put extra clothes and pad in my purse and such.  It was hard to do all this and not let anyone know what I was doing plus help the little kids.  Then my daughter wanted to come in and talk about her boyfriend and then my friend came over to come with us.  I wanted to make sure I did everything and got everything in my purse.  So we went.  I went to the bathroom before we left and I drove.  I had talked to my other friend who did not go and she didn’t because of the movement.  I think she has knee problems or something.  I may have needed a ride home if my daughter didn’t come to dinner.  She never drives – I do.  Anyway we got there and talked to the instructor who I knew.  We got caught up on kids and my daughter told me she had to go to the bathroom.  Yes!  So we both went and she told me she wanted to go before we start this laughing.  Yes again!  So it was good that it didn’t look like I was just going.  She nodded like she understood.  Then we got back and we got started.  What happened is something that I tell her doesn’t happen to me, or maybe I don’t think it does.  We were laughing really hard and a lot of times I went to the bathroom, a lot.  But I told her that it didn’t look like it bothered anyone else.  They were all just fine.  I asked her if these things happen to others and if it ever happens to her.  She said it has and lots of women past menopause it does happen to – they have to watch it.  That’s why they have so many products of this type.    I told her that I had always said I didn’t think I had the stress incontinence and maybe it was because I never laugh that hard.  She asked me what my definition of that is, like leaking a little, or a lot when I sneeze?  I just said how it happened a lot and I was OK about it because I knew I had the pad on.  She said that was really good.  Oh, just before I started talking about this I showed her the video I had on my IPod about this and the guy in India who developed it.  There are thousands of groups there.  She took the video and watched and told me it’s OK to keep talking, she can listen and watch at the same time.  She was really into knowing about this.  I told her she should go sometime.    She thought it was really good my daughter went.  I told her how she stuck to me like glue and really had a good time and even posted about it.  We want to go as a family, too.  It was a large group this time maybe 30-40 people.  Sometimes there’s only about 8.  I said my daughter being there was super for me – like a security.  I didn’t have to worry about those 2 friends being in cahoots.  But maybe they thought I was with my daughter.  She said no, that’s my daughter.  We were laughing so much about people, talking about my Mom and best friend who died, the instructor who looks like her Dad and such.  She said it was nice bonding for us.  Yes, very nice.  And she commented it was good for her too.  I told her earlier when she asked me how it was so nice to act silly and a great release to laugh.  She asked me if we did the sticking out of our tongues that she saw on the video.  Yes, even that.  But getting back to what actually happened I told her I did everything right that we talked about – except I forgot one thing.  I could have put my purse and coat down on the tables but I put them down on the floor by the door.  Even my daughter did.  I tried to stay by the door as much as I could even when we had to walk all around the room greeting people.  And I was OK with going a lot because I had the pad on - I didn’t let it bother me.  It was fun what we were doing.  One person even told me, “You’re so good at this!”  She thought that was great.    It was about half way through and I knew, even though I didn’t have to, I needed to go to the bathroom.  There are quiet times and noisier times when everyone’s walking around and such.  It was a quiet time.  Good thing I didn’t have to go so I waited for a noisier time and I left.  I’m fast and came back fast.  The door makes a noise when you open it and both my daughter and my friend looked at me.  My daughter told me she knew I went to the bathroom.  I left very inconspicuously and no one knew but I guess she saw I was gone.  I don’t know if anyone but the 2 of them saw me come back.    After a while we had to do the cooling down.  We got carpet squares to lay on – each 2.  I said that sometimes it’s upstairs in a carpeted room.  I’m thinking it’s that room she told me about it but I didn’t see it when I looked.  I saw the sanctuary and the bathrooms but not that room.  She thought maybe because the concert was going on.  I told her earlier that that building is confusing when I looked around.  But anyway, we laid down and she said we can laugh if we wanted to or not.  And she said at one point to let everything out.  No way!  She turned off the lights and I’m thinking how I didn’t want to fall asleep.  But, probably because of that, I was still laughing with my daughter.  We laughed so much (especially with the humming like my grandson’s great sound effects – last year he did that in a talent show - and me pretending to roll a car on her arm) she even said, “Oh, Mom!”    Since I was still laughing I kept going to the bathroom.  Because I was laying I felt my pants getting wet and didn’t get a chance to change the pad.  But I was thinking because of the way I was laying, even if I had changed, my pants would have gotten wet anyway.  It wasn’t Big Bertha!  When I felt it I quickly moved my shirt up because I didn’t want that to get wet.  I wanted to use it to cover.  Then I started getting into that shame thing a little.  I knew my pants were wet and I hated that the carpet piece was too.    When she said to sit up I couldn’t sit up all the way.  I was afraid something would show.  I tried to remember what happened here and how she said she couldn’t see anything wet unless she really looked and that no one would do that.  But since I was worried about getting up and getting out of there to change I couldn’t concentrate on anything else anymore.  She said some quotes and I have no idea what.  She nodded.  She knows how I get.  When it was time to get up I got up real fast, put the dry carpet on top of the wet one (I hated I had to do that) and put them in the pile and then went to the bathroom real fast.  The carpet was light in color and like a rough tweed and didn’t show but still.  It wasn’t real wet but it was wet.  I grabbed my coat and purse and went to the bathroom real fast.  One person was in there but there was one open.  Luckily I didn’t have to wait in line.  And I changed and hoped no one I knew would come in and see that.  My shoes were off, changing clothes and such.  She nodded like she understood.  No one came in.    I told her I tried not to let it bother me and did pretty good.  Even at dinner it tried to pop in my mind but I tried not to let it happen.  She asked me what I could have done differently for next time.  I said I think I did everything right.  The only thing was I forgot to grab my purse.  I think because I wanted to get out so fast and my pants weren’t actually wet and that’s why I forgot.  But then we talked like how it might not have mattered even if I did change because of the way I was laying.  She commented how I don’t know how many of those women had pads on.  True.  No one looked like anything, though.  She asked me if anyone had a yoga mat.  I think so.  She said many people who have them have a towel, too.  I told her I didn’t see any towels.  I did see people with water bottles drinking water – wish I could do that.  She said to use one of those mats.  I told her I didn’t know to – she knew that.  I asked her what they are made out of.  She said like a rubber-like material.  No, not cloth.  She said I could get one for next time.  So, we were about done with that and I told her we better go next door.  I didn’t say but I didn’t want to wait too much longer and need to have to go.  She asked me, “Do you want to go to the bathroom first?”  I looked at the clock.  It was 1:30.  “Should I?” I asked.  She said yes and I went.  I came back right away and told her someone’s in there.  She told me to go down the hall, grab my coat, and she’ll meet me out there.  That’s what I did along with taking 2.00 with me as well.  She was writing.  I think she does that when I leave to go to the bathroom.  I’d love to read all those sheets what she says.    I passed the massage therapist and she saw me walking out with my coat.  I told her I’d be back.  I went down the hall to the bathroom and coming out of my stall I saw that older lady my therapist sees next coming out of her stall.  We exchanged very quick hi’s.  I came out and met with my therapist down the hall who was waiting for me.  I put on my coat and told her that older lady, her client, was in that bathroom and the massage therapist was in the other one.  She didn’t say anything.  I’m wondering what happened when she left without me and saw she was not in the bathroom (out by then) and how she saw me leave first without her.  It shouldn’t matter.    So we walked over to the store and it was pretty quiet.  I don’t like that.  I did comment that we have no bag with extra clothes with us.  She said something and so did I.  I can’t remember but it must have been something like I need to be able to do this – positive thinking.  She only asked me what the plan was when we were about to walk in – still on their parking lot.  I thought and told her I didn’t know and we’ll see when we get in there.  We walked in, I think her first maybe, we looked at the bakery cases.  I knew they saw us so I thought we better buy something so they don’t think it’s funny.  So I told her we’ll get something and asked her what she wanted.  She said she didn’t care.  We were looking in one case and I walked over to the other saying there’s more in there.  She walked with me – just a foot or two over.  She said whatever I’m having.  So we got the same with me saying I’m a creature of habit, I asked her what flavor, the same.    We were ready to order and one girl was on the phone and the other was bagging items not really paying attention.  She saw us and asked me what I wanted.  She wasn’t very friendly.  I told her and she got them.  I did glance at my therapist once and she smiled back.  She gave me the 2 bags, I paid and we left.  After we got outside she asked me how that was.  OK.  We walked back and she asked me if I’ve even gone looking at the bald eagles.  No but someone last night was talking about it.  She’s been but it’s been a few years.  I said she said it was on a tram because we were walking out of the restaurant very cold.  She thought no, it was outside.  I opened up the main door to the building and she walked in first.  Then we went up to her office.  She said hi to her next client, the other half of the older couple, “Hi Phil,” in a very friendly way in the waiting room.  We walked into the hallway, she hung up her green coat in the closet while I waited just behind her and she shut the door.  Then we went back into her office, her first.  I put her bag of goodies on her desk and she thanked me.  She asked me how that was.  Good.  She told me right off the bat that I looked anxious at one point.  Not to other people but she noticed it because she knows what it looks like.    She asked me why I was that way.  I told her probably just the memories.  She asked me when it was.  I told her it started when the one girl was on the phone and the other was taking her good old time.  Other people would be thinking, ‘I don’t have all day!’  She said about the memories of other times when I did need to go but this time I didn’t.  Right.  I was OK when we walked out on the parking lot knowing we were going back.  She said she knew it couldn’t be a physical thing because I had just gone to the bathroom.  Right.  She went on to say that in this instance it’s OK, even good, to use distraction.  But with the other exposures, the vomiting ones, it’s not.  I told her that I decided to get something there because they saw us walk in and I thought we just should.  And no one was in line at the counter.  But it was great that I was able to do that!  And next time we’ll try when I need to go.  Then we started talking about my son but first about dinner last night.  How I almost took the initiative to set a date with my friends for the trip meeting but didn’t.  My friend asked me how I felt about going in August instead and I thought about my other trips, if they are, and she asked me to look on her calendar when I wanted to go in May.  But their cruise is too close.  She also, at dinner, and later that night when she called, said that my grandson looks so much like me, acts so much like me and is like me.  I said how many think I’m Mom.  My daughter gave me a look.  I think she doesn’t mind it but it does put some pressure off her sometimes and my grandson does correct people, “No that’s my Nana!”  I asked my daughter if she’d rather have a Mom that looks like me or old.  I think she gets it but she is Mom.  Oh, also later when this friend called she told me one of our friends wants to bring Swedish meatballs to the Superbowl Party next weekend.  We don’t want him to.  He’s the one that cuts up chickens and licks his fingers.  Really gross!  She wanted me to call him because I usually do but realized she has to.  I told her to tell him it’s her party and she needs to ask for what she wants to.  We’ll see how that went.  I said who knows how old the cookies were he brought to my house of New Years Eve?  OK, so I was checking my phone like I always do (it was noisy in there) and my middle son was calling.  He got a bomb shell dropped on him and wanted me to call him back when I got home.  I got him to tell me a little before I hung up.  His 2 roommates do no have jobs and are moving out – back home.  Later when I called him back he told me more.  The townhouse is too big and expensive for him alone.  His girlfriend has a house they are fixing up and should be ready this summer.  So he has about 6 months and doesn’t want to do a month-to-month lease somewhere.  He asked to move in with us in the Annex.  He asked in a good way.  He’s not desperate like the other kids usually are, he has a job (stable he was telling me on Saturday) and he has plans to move out.  He even offered to pay us.  She said that would be great because she remembered we didn’t open the pool last year and maybe we can this year and the kids would all come over and use it.  And maybe have someone over there after him for rent.    I said that we were empty nesters for such a long time that we were about due for someone to move back.  I said how now we can’t move unless we take him with.  I really don’t want to but we may need to.  I also said I can’t say no.  She shook her head no.  I even texted him, wondering how it went with the landlord.  She wrote and looked at her laptop as I texted.  I told her how I hate texting and asked her if she does.  No.  I said how my next phone will have ‘qwerty’.    I told her how he may be coming over tonight to look at the Annex.  I have all my shipping boxes over there – a lot.  He said he’d help me move them downstairs (I hate to junk up my really nice basement now) and back.  And we need to talk about privacy.  I reminded her when we had 9 people living at our house.  5 over with us and 4 at the Annex.  The Annex is connected through the garage and sliding doors through the courtyard.  How last time was an open door thing.  Maybe we shouldn’t do that this time for privacy.  I’m not sure.  And is his girlfriend moving in or not.  She said we need to talk about boundaries, rules and such.  Yes.    Then I glanced at the clock saying we never really have time to get into this when I talk about it.  I asked her if she watched the Today Show this morning.  No.  They were talking about people with good BMIs and were not necessarily healthy.  But the point was there was someone who was 5’7” just like me.  She weighed 140 pounds and her BMI was 23 or 22.  I would just ‘….’ if I got up that high.  I’m around 125 – sometimes 122, 123, sometimes 125, 126 but around the 125 mark.  And my BMI is 19.72.  They said this woman was at the ideal weight and BMI.  Why do I feel fat?    She told me how post (then she changed it to just menopausal for me) menopausal women often have issues.  But I’m very low.  Out of 100 people I’d be a 1 or a 2.  It’s a body image distortion.  She said with many people with anxiety they focus too much on one part of their body.  Yes, and I pointed to my belly.  I asked her if I look fat, especially there.  No.  It’s my image distortion and what I used to look like she told me and because of the way my daughter looks (she’s very heavy).  I said it’s what I used to look like and also what happens in my family.  My daughter no because she has her Dad’s genes.  She started scooting her chair out almost wanting to stand up during this.  It was time to end.  She said we can talk more about that tomorrow, she did stand up and I left.  I bet we won’t talk about it tomorrow.  We never continue this – just touch upon it now and then.  I went into my massage therapist and then left after for home after I went to the bathroom there first.