Late at night

During the day the rational me shows up.  She's savy, competent, smart, logical.  Late at night a differnt woman appears: She's needy, scared, and feels abandoned.  Since I'm a religious woman, and completly believe he's in heaven, I can't help but feel that he left me.  I know it's stupid, but sometimes, late at night, I almost picture him in heaven having a good time, and what can I say, I'm envious. 
 
Like I stated, it doesn't make sense, but here I am.