Last two days....

Well, the last few days have been weird. I have had to help with Christmas, which I never mind doing. My mother had a bit of a melt down yesterday. I had to deal with it. God...it was awful. She claims to hate her life, and told me to fuck off. So, I was really pissed yesterday, and was mad earlier. I kind of snapped on my boyfriend, and I am so so mad at myself for doing so. I feel so bad!! I hurt his feelings...and I doing that. So, now I have slipped up again and taken Xanax. I also smoked some weed. I don't know what I am going to do. I hope I don't push my boyfriend away :[ I really feel lonely, and I have no one to talk too!!