Last post.

I thought I better post here..I seem to have run out of words. Today I txtd Nick asking if I could come see him sometime and he said he's on a course in wellington so no..but tomorow I am going. I have been talking myself out of it all day. I kinda wrote him a letter last night because when Iw alk in his office I always run out of words to describe the torture I am feeling. I don't know how to say how I am feeling except dead. and even thought I had gymnastics tonight! Usually that gets me going good. I ripped up my hands pretty bad tonight. I was on the bars for about 2 hours..Em, I know you're out there. Post something please and let me know how your getting on. I get worried about you ya know. And tell me when you get my letter k?I don't know what Nick is gunna say tomorow. I dont know what he can say. As soon as he finds out how much Ive been usuing this glue again he'll tell my parents. Last time he said he'd give me another chance and I did, I went 5 days without the stuff. But latley Its been controlling me.My poetry is crap. Oh, and I have another friend..well kinda. Hallie was my journal back when I was about 12 and 13..and I was in the shop, funily enough buying glue, and I saw a writing book and remebered Hallie and I write to her now. So DS is kinda out the window for a bit. Kinda like me cutting off from everyone. I know I shouldnt be doing it. Ryan is gone. Em, you have no txts and I don't know where you are. My family went ages ago. Just no one. Theres all these blocks apearing. I have no glue. no money. nothing..I need glue right now. even one round to get me calm. Tonight is gunna be a repeat of last night. Someone get me out of it.  so I guess this is kinda a goodbye to DS for now. Well just that I'm not gunna be writin gmuch anymore. Sorry.