Last Nights Meeting - Wandering in the Wilderness
For some reason, I wanted to go over my class intention and class objectives last night. During this process and reading #7 and #10 of Wandering in the Wilderness (my last journal post), I had a huge epiphany this morning in meditation. I will try to share what my heart understood, but sometimes that is difficult to explain.
CLASS INTENTION
To help individuals deal with the personal impact of change.
TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT SEPARATED FROM GOD
THAT YOU ARE “PART” OF GOD AND NOT “APART” FROM GOD
CHANGE/TRANSFORMATION
This class has been created to help all of us here grow into a deeper understanding of the transformational process and support individuals caught up in Chaos and Turmoil during change.
CLASS OBJECTIVES:
To learn to unfold more of the nature of our Spiritual Self
To understand the value of CHANGE
To remember that we are never alone during our process
To know that the loving Intelligence that created us is EVER PRESENT, guiding us and directing our way,
To help each other develop a greater ACCECTANCE toward CHANGE/TRANSFORMATION.
CLASS READINGS:
“For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.”
3rd Chapter of Ecclesiastes
As most of you know, I have struggled with the separation from my daughter and myself. Right now things are so different than they used to be and I miss her terribly. For several years, I have wanted it fixed; this hasn't happened...well, I thought that's how it was till this morning.
First of all, I had the awareness of how proud I am of my daughter for not feeding her CO with me. I think that takes a lot of courage and strength on her part and she is very brave to do what she feels is right for her. On my behalf, I think because of my growth and my ability to keep detaching with love, she feels safe doing this! This is HUGE!
Anyway, I realized this IS being fixed; it is a process that is not going to happen over-night and we "both" have a lot of learning/unlearning to do to find ourselves. Many times I have made her wrong and me right and I am letting go of this right now because I feel the class objective #4 "To know that the loving Intelligence that created us is Ever Present, guiding us and directing our way; and, remember the class reading "For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven."
All of this change/transition for Erinn and myself IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW! The happy ending I held in my head was "some day she will come to me and tell me how right I was." How egotistical that was of me. It is "ok" just as it is now.
I have given my daughter her freedom (what a growth for me) and she has given me the gift of her not taking on her Mama's Co-ness! She is where she is because she needs to be where she is. She does NOT need my approval.
There's so much more, but the realization that "we may struggle and regress as we vacillate between the old life and the new life and to understand this is part of the evolutionary process and gradually the new life takes root" is huge to me. And, if we try to force the matter (which I had been doing) it only lead to more suffering.
This process with Erinn has been going over for almost 9yrs. now. My old thinking was "I am so done you could stick a fork in me." I have tried, I have tried and I am done. My new thinking is "it was and is a process" without a time frame. I am learning to set boundaries, I am learning not to be so Co. My daughter is learning what she needs to learn also.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, but as I said, there was a huge shift in my heart his a.m. and I am very grateful!
Thank-you everyone for all your caring and sharing.
xo
Replies
Yes it makes allot of sense. We as parents want to hold on for dear life. We forget my child is an adult now. Not that little girl/ boy we once cared for day & night. This is a big step in the right direction. Erin is apart of God, just like all of us. You will make her own decisions on her own...whether they are right or wrong. It\'s a learning process for both of you. All you can do is work on you & be there when Erin needs you. Your job is done. Now it\'s her turn out there in the world.
I thought this was really moving and beautiful. It\'s a very difficult job getting in touch with the spiritual part of you/me. Over the past year I have begun to and it gives me the largest and best sense of contentment I have ever felt....a kind of peace.
I see that you are very in touch with your spiritual self and it brings you peace. I think everything you have learnt about the situation regarding your daughter is true.
I also think she will find her way back to you xxxx
That is great insight, good for you in letting go. Thanks for sharing.
Hugszzz,
Rich
I can identify very strongly with you in all of this that you wrote. I understand the roller coaster of emotions and the confusion as well as pain that comes with what you are going through with your daughter.
I am still working through it all and with your help I have come a long way.
I agree with angelady.
Hi Vicki,
I loved what you said about a change in your heart. As you said, we are in the midst of a process and progress....it is just hard to see it sometimes.
Whenever I accept something that has been really difficult or a struggle, I have some inner peace and it sounds like you are in that place, now.
Hugs,
Shari