last friday
well last weds, I called the family center where the mother son visits happen. they told me thurs at 1 was cancelled by the stbx and rescheduled for fri at 4, so I took my son. Well found out it was fri at 1 and she cancelled until aug 16. I was quiet upset due to my son being stressed out for this. I wrote her an email telling her to let me know when she cancels, I got a perfect myfault responce, and in no way did she make any attempt or sugestion that she was to see him and that she missed the opportunity to see him or reschedule. I passed it on to the attorney. I now have aug marked down as the day the court appointed advisor meets with my son and myself. so that is good.
I have for several days now , been really low. up down stuff. I wake up at night thinking she is sleeping next to me, like the old days and now I feel hated and blamed and that I am now really coming to terms that mental illness has played a really big part for some time. I feel ripped off of my marriage, pissed at my father in law for his abuse on her. and really pissed off on how she has treadted the son.
I am grateful that we have a second chance, have eachother, the dogs, and the house was the bonus. 28 days until I am in court for 2 hrs to sort it all out, and I think 28 days until she just explodes. everything that she wanted she has lost. and that has to play on her mind in what ever state she is in...I think
all for now
I have for several days now , been really low. up down stuff. I wake up at night thinking she is sleeping next to me, like the old days and now I feel hated and blamed and that I am now really coming to terms that mental illness has played a really big part for some time. I feel ripped off of my marriage, pissed at my father in law for his abuse on her. and really pissed off on how she has treadted the son.
I am grateful that we have a second chance, have eachother, the dogs, and the house was the bonus. 28 days until I am in court for 2 hrs to sort it all out, and I think 28 days until she just explodes. everything that she wanted she has lost. and that has to play on her mind in what ever state she is in...I think
all for now
Replies
It\'s a pretty rude awakening when you finally see someone for who they really are. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you, but each of us travels this part of the journey alone. I think it has to be that way so that we can experience the full range of emotions and work our way up out of the pits of despair. You are doing well. What you describe is normal -- the nightmares, the anger, etc. Just try to stay focused on what\'s going on with you and your son RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Whatever will come, will come and there\'s nothing you can do about it. Fretting about what\'s coming 28 days from now is a waste of your time and precious mental energy. And stop dwelling on what SHE has lost -- think, instead, about what YOU have gained -- insight, clarity, and a chance to do the right thing for yourself and your son! Hugs to ya.