Kinda stuck
I am writing much more these days, my book is about my brother, he had spine bifida and we were very close, is about his wittiness, his sense of humor and how priveledge I was of having him as my brother. Is about brothers and sister and the special bond we shared, his condition blends in the background, because his life was bigger than that, at least it was for me. He passed away more than 20 years ago, but I still miss him.
Truth is the loved ones you loose are never forgotten in you heart. I have written about our childhood, his first girlfriend, and that sort of stuff, that is the easy part. But am kind of stuck because now I have to write when he got very sick and eventually passed away. Is really hard for me to write about this, I am relieving the emotions. This is very hard, very hard. What makes it even a little harder is that he died on the way to the hospital on my ex arms. Life is so complicated sometimes. I will always be grateful to my ex that my brother did not die by himself, he had someone there with him. And I will always be grateful for the gentle way he carried him afterwards, even knowing he was gone already.
Like I said this is really hard for me, but I feel I have to finish this book, is really an ode to his life. And no my book won't end there, I already have the ending, but is this part the one before the ending that is making me very sad. I have been crying all day.
Any suggestions?
Truth is the loved ones you loose are never forgotten in you heart. I have written about our childhood, his first girlfriend, and that sort of stuff, that is the easy part. But am kind of stuck because now I have to write when he got very sick and eventually passed away. Is really hard for me to write about this, I am relieving the emotions. This is very hard, very hard. What makes it even a little harder is that he died on the way to the hospital on my ex arms. Life is so complicated sometimes. I will always be grateful to my ex that my brother did not die by himself, he had someone there with him. And I will always be grateful for the gentle way he carried him afterwards, even knowing he was gone already.
Like I said this is really hard for me, but I feel I have to finish this book, is really an ode to his life. And no my book won't end there, I already have the ending, but is this part the one before the ending that is making me very sad. I have been crying all day.
Any suggestions?
Replies
You have a lot of courage. I think it would be important for others to know what happened and how you and your family struggled with (and still struggle with) the pain of your loss. I don\'t know what encouragement I can add that would be significant enough but I think you are doing good and important work writing about a subject that is so difficult. Way to go!
Wow azuca! I\'m just now getting around to reading your journal. You and I have SOOO much in common. I too, am writing a book about my life, but I have to make it a book of fiction. I understand about your brother because my mom was stricken with MS and became paralyzed and guess what? My ex brought her to our home and helped me take care of her! She was forever grateful to him and didn\'t want to rock the boat after we found out about him and what he is. When I wrote about her death after she suffered a massive heart attack, I cried the entire time. I want everyone who reads my book to know her, love her, and they will cry too. Your book will inspire others who are caregivers. It will validate their feelings just as it did mine! It is so hard right now, but it will get better. My mom died in 05 and it is still raw for me, my sister, and one of my aunts. The only thing I can tell you is to keep writing, crying all the way until you can\'t cry anymore and then go and take a nice bubble bath, go somewhere that makes you happy and know that he would want that. At least, that\'s what I did. My body was drained after I wrote about losing her, but I HAD to do it for others and for myself. It was great therapy. Keep me posted on how you\'re doing as I\'m making getting on here a priority when I get settled in my move. Keep it up Girl! You already have a special place in my heart. I\'m so thankful my new roommie invited me to join DS.
hugs to you!