Kinda blue on a gray day

Feeling kinda blue,..the ministry of children and families always loses or messes up our contractual agreements. They are often 3-6 months behind on support payments, which makes life stressful, because childcare, rent, food...clothing,...everything is very costly,...I am a single gramma, paying rent for a place that is barely large enough to accomodate both of us,..yet it is still more expensive than if I had a place just for myself. I am greatful to have a decent job,..thank-goodness! Childcare alone, uses up 400+ of the 550 that is provided to 'help out', when it is allocated,..But when MCF doesnt come through for months on end,..I start to feel sad,.. as if I have somehow committed myself and the little one to semi-poverty for doing the right thing! I feel sad,  kinda like I must ( or she must be) somehow undeserving!...Like when they said initially that her dental needs would be covered!.. thank-GOD it only cost 1,100 because they then came up with some excuse not to pay anything, at all..Most days I am so happy to be independantly able to care for her, but now I cannot even afford car maintenance. I have given up everything extra for myself (to be expected)when I became a parent again,..no more pedicures, manicures, suntans, impulse self-nuture care like massage, new clothing,..My savings are gone,..no potential down-payment for an apartment, car, or holiday,.. I love my little one so much it makes me feel sad that no one else (other than my oldest daughter)seems to acknowlege her as deserving. My heart is feeling sad.