Kill me now please, not later

I'm in the hospital with my poppa....cancer, kidney failure. It won't be ok. I've bern here since yesterday at 1, but I got to my dads house at 8 in the morning. You know, telling him it's time. He's too sick to be at home. Well he's having issues all sick folks have. He's hearing things, confusion, weird inappropriate type of behaviors. Emotions, the reality of impending death. Hospital life ain't for pussies. You gotta get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I slept have the night on the floor cause there's a waiting list for the portable beds....but it got too cold so I'm back in a chair. At this time though I just feel lucky to be here. I guess I'm clinging to my dad. I just can't leave him.