Kids are off school

Well, MY kids are off school today, and I am furious that they are. ....

So yesterday, just about the time I was getting hom, the school called.... "blah blah blah, .... taking things seriously, ... found a note in a bathroom at the high school, .... blah blah blah,... percautions, .... blah blah blah, ... no school tomorrow."

Ok, so most parents in the area are grateful that the school is "working to keep their kids safe" ... but those are the smae parrents that cry each time their kid wins a participation award. They are the parents reacting with their broken hearts opposed to thinking witha  clear head. 

So, I have worked with children myentire adult life, and in the mental health feld for most of it. Let's look at this clearly. 

Most children in high school still think they are invinsible. They have little to no long term thoughts. They have limited understanding of the world. They are not abke to make connections between their actions and real world consequences as a general rule of thumb - so don't tell me about the few that don't fit that mold - I know they exist, thank you. 

Children often act sponteniously and without thought of consequences. Especially children that have mental health diagnoses, such as ADHD, ADD, or Autism Spectrum Disorders. But of course, many other diagnosis in children have this as a possible factor due to the age and the amplification that mental health causes i poor thought processes. 

I go in and out of schools all the time. When I arrie at a school for the first time, it is pretty standard rule of thumb that I provide them with a state ID as well as identification that I am with the company I say I am, and a great deal of times clearances stating that I am certified to work in close proximate of children. so 9 chances out of 10, the adults working around children in a school setting would not write anything on a batheroom wall like that. If only because they know that it would mean throwing away a career they are most likely still paying of student loans for. 

statisticly, 8 times out of 10, these "copy cat" instances are done by children trying to get out of school for a day for 1 reason or another. Maybe it is because of bullying and not wanting to face other kids. Maybe itis because of an upcoming test they do not want to take. Maybe it is because their is a teacher they do not want to see ... whatever... they are just looking to get out of school.

So chances are, we are looking at a child, with poor coping skills to deal with stress, who is not thinking about consequences, probably needs so adult intervention of some kind to assist them, and doesn't realize that they just threw the rest of their life away. 

And how did the school react? By giving them what they wanted. By making their threat public - giving them the attention and fame they may have been looking for, butdefinately giving them the thing they were looking for - a day off of school. 

Let's put aside what is going to happen to this one child that did this for a moment, and look at the message it has sent other children who may also fit his same grouping of struggles. ... They have learned, when I do this, I get everything I wanted. I get a day off of school, and I get some variety of fame because it is spread on the internet , and in our school's case, on the local new chanels. 

So what has the school done? Perpetuate the problem. Create the desire for more "copy cats" to come out of the wood worka nd poorly express themselves. 

You may argue, well, this one kid will get punished, and this child who is thinking about it will hear that and that will deter them. Chances are - no. See, in the juvinile system, we are not allowed to make public names, faces, and a great deal of times, rulings given to juviniles due to the protections aforded to them because of their age.

What this child who is thinking about copting this act will hear is wispers, rumors, and a bunch of untruths that they will play off as not true because they come from no official source (and in most cases they will be right) and things that are not going to happen to them because of their beliefe that they are indistructable due to their age and limits in cognition that comes with this age grouping.

 So chances are - This will happen again by the end of March in my Children's school again. 

So you ask - how do you fix it?

There are nothing in studet handbooks in these types of areas because they are not handled by schools. This needs to change. Kids are able to make connections between their immediate actions nad immediate consequences. These consequences include immediate consequences take by schools. Most kids know what the punishment is for if they skip class and can repeate it to you verbatum from the handbook. They can't give you the consequeces of things that affect the "adult world" because first of all it is different for everyone and second it is that abstract concept stuff that they just don't grasp. 

So step 1 is giving them immediate consequences for their actions that are tangable and meaningful to them in theor sheltered lives. 

One of the school districts I used to work at had an answer to that. It recieved a great deal of bulking from parents and kids, but was effective. ...

The pricipal did not tell parents when things like this occurred until the next day after consequences had begun to be implimented - negating the desired outcome by the student of getting out of school. As children arrived at school, all doors were locked to the building, and no matter the weather, the children were made to go to the outdoor football staduim to wait until each child was individually searched by a police or security officer including searching all bags, pat downs, and going through a metal detector. Then each student was lead individually into the building by this person where they were lead to their individual locker and that person searched that students locker. Once a student had passed all of this, they were allowed to enter the building - and go to the cafeteria where they had to provide a writing sample. A 4 page writing sample. After they had done this - they were free to go to the next designated area for their day. 

Students were able to get breakfast and lunch, and all students were in the building by lunch time. From their, they had a regular day of school. 

Students who were not at school after all had been checked in had their house called by a state police officer who explained to their parents the importance of their cooperation and need for proof of the child's legitimate absence. 

Needless to say, it only happened twice before the kids got the message - no one in that schol dares to do anything like that. 

Now this may sound extreme to some, and maybe it is, but here is the thing.... The children were able to make direct connections between the crime and the punishment. And the punishment was severe enough to the children that they wanted to avoid this consequence. 

The principal was asked why he chose to do this, and he stated that if they wanted to act like criminals, he was willing to treat them like criminals. 

The children also all rejoiced when the culprit was found, because they were relieved to know that this tactic was effective in finding the culprit and that the consequence would end. 

Now I have also worked at schools where the children were treated like criminals at all times without having the cause to do so. These schools were filled with children who responded by acting like criminals, so please don't confuse what I am saying. Children should be treated with respect so that the learn respect and display respect. BUT Children who show disrespect to those around them, and in these cases to the other students as well by waiting their time and saying that the education of those around them does not matter - These children shouls have a consequence that fits the crime by showing them disrespct and wasting their time in the way that they hoped to waste the time of others who just come to school to learn. 

So yeah - I am mad my kids are home today. And I hope you understand why. 

I also hope that the school learns from this nad makes a better choice next time. 

:) Susie