Kick In The Teeth
I have been doing ok... connecting with others in the same boat, keeping busy working and concentrating on myself and getting my life in order. I finally got stbx on the same page as far as squaring away his finances. He has arranged for a chunk of his ESOP now to pay off debt and the restis rolled over into an IRA. He just came back from his insurance guy who informs him that everything from day one of both of ours is the others. My attorney said that from our date of marriage til final divorce was to be shared.
At first I was very upset because, once again it is like HE is able to control me and everything I do (including paying off my debt... or being unable to) I have taken an early distribution offered to me from my ESOP , but is was equal to less than what i had before we were together. SoI wasn't concerned. Now, here I am months later and I have sunk 3/4s of the money intened for me to get started into keeping us afloat as he continued to whine how we couldn't make it again another month. since I have calmed down, I realize that means all that he had before us would be shared as well. It just makes me very angry when he throws things in my face.... I was the one who first wanted the house, car.... (ultimately my fault even though he wanted them just as much) then bringing up th fact that he already spent his 401k (he borrowed against, then just took that off the bottom line. So he didn't have to pay hardly any back. I have borrowed against mine twice... had to repay it back twice (at least it is to myself, interest included) i guess I am being petty about it.
Just as he says again and again he wants to try counseling and loves me , in the next breath he does show his true colors as he reverts to blame and attack mode. That's not in my new plan.
What in the hell happened to people who truly love and want to be with you???? People you can actually trust and count on????
DID ANY EVER REALLY EXIST????
Replies
hugs my friend, I went through the same thing. Boy was I ever rattled. At my wits ends too. But you need to sit back and see where all that is coming from. He will lose in the end. When he starts talking, just smile and say okay. Then turn around and walk away. Do not even sign one piece of paper even if you agree with it. Do you have a therapist, they are a God send. I leaned on mine for years. Just someone to talk to face to face. Please be gentle with yourself. You are still at the starting gate but when the gate opens, run for the light at the end of that tunnel. Life will be so much better. I now am the proud owner of a 2 bedroom corner unit, full of light and he is renting because his mommy finally kicked him out.
Aww super duper hugs! I'm so sorry he keeps being a d-bag to you!! Grrrrrr!!
Of course he wants counseling as you're his Florence Nightingale and everything else in between! IMHO I hope you continue on rebuilding yourself and learning your self-worth that you do deserve to be treated like a queen and not a servant.
Yes there are still people out there who are real human beings with empathy/compassion, just gets harder to find them unfortunately. Don't give up!!
@atpeacemary.......I once mentioned that light at the end of the tunnel. Him being the eternal optimist, he said that was of the train headed toward us. .. he can be a definite piece of work. (I am still trying to keep focus on myself and what I want /need. This is the first time in my entire life I am putting my needs first.
@gregsbaby....Yes, I am still focusing on me (for the first time ever) , my needs and my purpose for even being here. If there was ONE loving, trustworthy man left, I do wish he came with GPS so I could find him. LOL (better still, a tracking device. haha)
I think relationships are difficult because you have to be willing to forgive the other person and vice versa. It's a two way street.
I read somewhere that 95% of all arguments that couples have are over money problems. That pretty much is what a marriage is. It's a business contract. I don't think my marriage license said anything about love :)
God Bless
hugs my friend. No, that light is the light of life awaiting for you. The train wreck is one of his own making. It has nothing to do with you now. You cannot carry the full load of a marriage, I know, because I have tried it for years. Failed miserably too. Look after yourself. I have been doing that for the last 11 years. It takes a lot of hard work and rewiring your way of thinking. If I can do it, so can you. Since I could stand up and walk, I was always putting everyone first.
I like atpeaacemarys’ idea of rewiring. That is a great way to look at it. Feel the same way myself. Once I started on that line of thinking I found my life started getting better. Just carrying my part now is like having a weight lifted. And I hope your GPS goes off one day. Ideally when you have had some time to regroup and then when you least expect it. For some reason that’s how I think it’s going to happen for you. Because you sooo deserve that! The age of Kim