Kenny

Kenny  my blue eyed, blond hair handson son, it's almost 7 years in Dec since I saw your handson face.  I can not believe it has been that long.  I can go back to every moment of those days as the horrible cancer took your ability to form word   how you kept tapping you head just wondering what is wrong...when you lost the use of your arm, when you needed to go to the bathroom but could not say the words, when I glanced in your room as you sat on the end of the bed crying cause you couldn't pull your jogging pants up, when you screamed in agony from the pain, so much I can go on what I cry about, that after realizing I was and still going through PTSS.  How I fight my mind to not go there. So I remember the day I sat in the chair by your bed as we held hands watching TV,  the happy bright look in your eyes when I came in carrying a Pepsi.  The times i would leave and you could say "Luvmom"  the day you walked to the motor home wanting me and trying to say "Its not in my heart"..oh sweet son of mine you did nothing  to deserve that horrible disease, you did nothing to have to suffer like that,  oh my Kenny what a joy to have you be my son.  What joy you brought me and the laughs we had and wanting me to see things you knew I would like.  Oh my Kenny how I wish you had not have to go..just past your birthday Aug 21...How I wish you could have been here to celebrate...My heart ia still broken, how does a mom ever feel whole again.  I loved you the day you were born and I love you today.  My first born son, really wish you could come home.. I carried you in my womb for 9 months, now I carry the memories and the pain.  In the beginning I could not wrap my head around you being gone, now I can't wrap my head to know  how long you have been gone.  I love you and will always wish you could come home...Love to you from you mom I love you so much...