Keeping Under the Surface

...got through last week's many appts.  Was Ok'ed by the state, as to my job hunting, so funds have kept coming in.  Also, IRS sent me 2x's the $ I paid out for my IRA taxes...apparently, I didn't owe...well, could've fooled me w/the 1040A directions, last year...anyway, have some em. $ to put away...that's good, in these days.  Although, I have an indulgence gift in mind, less than $50, of course, unless they'll take it on layaway, for less $... No job nibbles, after last week's scrutiny, tho, and am sad about that... Mom is still in a lot of pain & feeling no better...came out to sleep in the liv. room lift chair, as she couldn't take her pokey room, anymore.  As Fawnie sleeps w/her at night, Fawnie's been enjoying the change.  Mom still has a lot of phlegm fr. her cold she's been trying to get over since Nov., but the temp outside is in the low 90's, so the dryness, here, is helping somewhat w/that... Am turning into the family drudge & I know it...Sis helps and takes care of incomprehensible things, like feeling out the new cell phone (last one went thru the wash...my fault for not taking out of my pocket & sis' fault for not checking the pockets, like she's s'posed to...kleenexes lurk in there, ya know...), but she isn't consistent w/the day-to-day things, as she hates that stuff.  My dad would prefer to sit and stare depressedly into space, so as to be avoided for anything outside of his sphere...although, he has been taking new interest in the would-be bathroom for Mom & has been applying himself to other things around the house that have needed his attention...too, I think he's feeling guilty for his behavior during our spat, so he does ask if he can help w/some things...but, if they get too involved, they're back in my hands....just trying not to rock the boat and look for work, too...but I haven't been this depressed--and sometimes just overwhelmed--since I took chemistry...(sniff! :>() Mom, too, is feeling guilty that she can't help; I keep reminding her that she only had surgery 1.5 wks. ago & that she was badly injured, before that...got to quit saying those things, tho, as they seem to depress her...but, it does take time to heal fr. anything...right? So, I just go back to doing the things that keep the house looking clean & ok, so that she'll feel comfortable...but if it was my home, laundry would be done every 3 to 5 days, the house would be cleaned top to bottom all in one day per week--w/o interruptions--every other meal would be "simple," & every 3rd meal would be up to ea. individual (excepting Mom, as she can't get around).  I have to keep reminding myself that it's not my house...apt....tent..whatever... Plus, my dreams have been very busy and crowded, lately...not bad, but just overcrowded w/tasks and running...I'm just so tired...I can't sleep @ night & I can't wake up in the mornings...the dog walks help, but I can't find time to squeeze much more exercise in, w/o feeling crappier....what else can I do to keep fr. dragging around so much?