Karma - what comes around, goes around
It's been a little over a year now that I found out about all of the 'discretions' my husband committed even before we married.
For some reason he felt the need to vomit all of his sickness onto me when he was finally ready to move on to his next victim. Yes, I call her a victim, because I am positive that he doesn't love her either. If he did, he would not have strung her along for 3 years, telling her she deserved more than a part-time boyfriend. We have no mutual kids, we are both healthy, we were free of debt - he could have left me for her 3 years ago, but didn't...
When I found out he was leaving me for her, he also told me about another female co-worker. We weren't even married when he would go over to her house when her husband wasn't home. All while his bosses had him and her on the clock and all while I am at home, thinking he is hard at work.
In 2014 he took a 12 day vacation to go 'find' himself. Well, he found himself on the way to Arkansas to meet with a woman with whom he had been sexting for weeks or even months on end. She flew in from Ohio, he drove to meet her in the brand new pickup truck I had found and bought for him.
He stayed with this woman all 12 days, travelling from Arkansas to Branson, MO with her in our truck.
I found out the first night he left (long story). Within 2 days I had cleared out our home of all furniture, appliances, everything that was in the house. The next day I filed for divorce. I was set and ready to move back to CA when he came home and had a total breakdown.
It ended with me finding him with his gun in our garden shed. That is a story all it's own, one I don't want to revisit at this time or ever for that matter. I was able to talk him out of the shed by telling him we can make this work, we can work it out. I stayed, we bought an entire house full of new furniture, appliances, etc.
Little did I know that he was already seeing the woman he is with now - and that he continued to see her. She was a co-worker of his as well, at his new job and he was her boss.
When I found out last year in December, he played with both of us: staying with me, but seeing her. He finally moved out, but did not move in with her. He moved in with his parents who live 7 houses from us.
I was devastated! Staying in this house was not an option for me. He wanted the house, I moved into an apartment and I filed for divorce.
At 56 years of age I found myself starting from scratch, while he was set for life: the OW owns a house which she promptly rented out fully furnished with her own stuff and then she moved into my home (also fully furnished) the very next day. How do you do that as a woman? Just leave all of your stuff and step into another woman's house with all of this woman's belongings still in it and the marriage bed barely cold?
Anyway: I didn't want anything to do with my husband. I couldn't bear it! I didn't take a single thing from the house and donated all the clothes and anything I had to Goodwill. Then I went and bought new furniture for my 1 bedroom apartment.
I was heartbroken and cried most of the time. I filed for uncontested divorce in January and the divorce was to be final 61 days later. He signed a waver of service, which I thought (and told him) was so he didn't have to appear in court. Later I found out it is actually a waver saying he does not need to be notified of any of the divorce proceedings :-)
March came and went without me going to sign the final papers on the divorce. By that time I had gotten to a point where I was getting more and more angry over everything.
He had nothing when we met, not even a car. He came to me, owning maybe 5 pair of ragged jeans, a few shirts and a cowboy hat. I bought the house, I got him his job (literally did his application and took his packet to a friend who worked at the company), I bought him a brand new truck every year, did all our finances, pretty much was nothing more than a paid maid and caretaker for 8 years.
And then he told me that he never even loved me all of this time!
So, anger started to set in over the fact that this man whom I loved so deeply had used me from the beginning. Here he was, sitting with 2 houses (hers and his), 2 full sets of furniture, 2 brand new trucks, 2 great paying jobs (they were bringing in $140,000 a year)....and here I was, with absolutely nothing to show for for my hard work over the past 8 years.
I hired a divorce attorney. It was the best $4500 I have ever spent! Since he had signed the waiver, we were under no obligation to let him know anything of what we were doing. By the time all was said and done, I was awarded the house, most of the furniture, all of the appliances and fixtures, 1/2 or our stock and 1/2 of his retirement.
I also went to his job and filed a complaint that the company allowed the boss to be sleeping with the help. His immediate boss had been aware, but did not take any action. My husband was all smug, thinking how his boss and buddy was not going to do anything about it.
So, I went to corporate who - it turned out to be a woman :-)
You see, my husband and his mistress kept telling the company that they were NOT in fact involved. They got away with it for 6 months. After I went to corporate, the company started to investigate my claims of her living with him. The last time they called them in and asked them about their involvement, they still denied it, but the company had proof.
I expected he would get fired and was surprised when they both got fired. Not for being involved, but for company policy violation AND for lying. She had worked there for 14 years, he going on 7 years.
Imagine his surprise when I told him they had to vacate our home within 1 month! Since they both lost their jobs, they were not able to move into her house, because they are not able to make the house payment. So, for the last 4 months they have been living with his parents, 7 houses from my house.
They have been out of jobs for coming on 6 months and I truly believe that neither of them will be hired anywhere. How are they going to explain having been fired after 14 years and 7 years? Even if prospective employers don't get the story, that fact alone will be a deterrent from hiring them.
Now, I know there are people out there who agree with him (that I am a vindictive c..t), but you don't know 1/2 of the stuff that he told me that he did. It would take a book to write it all.
For me it was enough to know that this man used me for 8 long years! He told me this when he told me that he never loved me and when he was unable to answer as to why he would marry me when he already knew that I was not the one he wanted, when he was already going to other women's homes BEFORE we were even married. When I didn't want to get married, but he kept pushing for it until I gave in.
It was enough to know that he was sleeping with other women - unprotected - and then coming home, bringing who knows what with him. I know that over the last 5 years I was experiencing women issues that I had never had before and I couldn't figure out why I was suddenly afflicted with such issues. Funny thing is that I have not had a single episode since we split up last January.
For me it was enough to realize that while I was in the hospital in 2010 for ten days, I only saw my husband there for about 20 minutes each night. While other patients had their significant others there almost day and night, I was always alone. I realize now that he was off doing what he does best: romancing other women. While I was laying in that hospital bed, scared out of my mind, he could have cared less.
Then in October of 2014 I took myself to the hospital. I was having chest pain and I was scared. I called him from the hospital and told him where I was and why and that I was scared. I expected him to show up - he never did. As a matter of fact, I was unable to get a hold of him after that initial call. When I came home 2 hours later, he was sitting in the kitchen - he had turned off his phone....
In October and then November I had to put 2 of my dogs down. He was home both times. I went by myself to the vet both times. He knew it would devastate me to put them down, yet he did not offer to go with me, nor did he show up at the vet. My vet's wife stayed with me through it all.
During the last days he became verbally abusive, calling me a fat, lazy ass, big nose, stubby toes, picking on all of my insecurities and using them as weapons against me. He even went as far as to tell me 'There were times when I felt prettier than you'! The lazy part was a joke, considering I was the one who handled everything from finances, cleaning, gardening, mowing, shopping, laundry, cooking - all while working 40+ hours a week and all while my 'poor' husband was in bed, supposedly sleeping from 8AM -5Pm. I now know that in actuality he was sexting with the OW and who knows how many others.
He never took time off from work for me, saying he has always been this way, that he is a workaholic. Then I saw on his paystub that he had taken off 36 hours which he did not spend with me. During that time he would dress and go to work as usual and then return home as if he had been at work all night. Which of course he wasn't.
There are still times that my heart breaks for him when I see him standing in his parents front yard, knowing how much he has lost. He came to me with nothing, left, expecting to live high and now he was back to having nothing at all. There is a part of me that still loves the man I thought he was and that is the part that allows me to feel sorry for this man.
Then there is this other part of me, the bitter, angry part at having been used by him for so many years and once he reached the top and was sitting pretty, he discarded me like yesterdays trash. He figured he got away with 2 houses, 2 new trucks, no debt, 2 great incomes, 2 great retirements and a large amount of stock. Not once did he check in with me to see if I was doing ok, if I was faring well. He was riding high with his mistress.
The funny thing is, neither of them post any picture with or of the other on FB. Neither of them show a status of being involved, etc and neither of them write on the others FB. Though she posted 'I finally roped my cowboy" to which one of her friends asked how his retirement would be. She replied 'He told me it would be big'
Surprise: it is not nearly as big as he thought it would be, considering he got fired and I am getting 1/2 of it :-)
I don't feel sorry for her. From what I know from the OW's brother-in-law and co-workers, she has a habit of sleeping with married men. She broke up at least 2 other marriages that I know of. One of the married men left his wife to be with her, only to find out several months later that she was having an affair with yet another married man. The first married man left her, the 2nd married man moved in with her. A few months after he had left his wife, she kicked him out and started seeing the first married man again. She was still seeing him when she started with my husband.
And yes, she KNEW he was married and she KNEW that we were together. I had told her when this first started to rear it's ugly head. He had told her that he was living with his parents. I told her that was a lie and he was at home with me. She had the gall to drive to my house to see for herself.
So, NO, I do not feel pity for her at all. They both deserve everything that is coming down on them and then some! Call me Karma
For some reason he felt the need to vomit all of his sickness onto me when he was finally ready to move on to his next victim. Yes, I call her a victim, because I am positive that he doesn't love her either. If he did, he would not have strung her along for 3 years, telling her she deserved more than a part-time boyfriend. We have no mutual kids, we are both healthy, we were free of debt - he could have left me for her 3 years ago, but didn't...
When I found out he was leaving me for her, he also told me about another female co-worker. We weren't even married when he would go over to her house when her husband wasn't home. All while his bosses had him and her on the clock and all while I am at home, thinking he is hard at work.
In 2014 he took a 12 day vacation to go 'find' himself. Well, he found himself on the way to Arkansas to meet with a woman with whom he had been sexting for weeks or even months on end. She flew in from Ohio, he drove to meet her in the brand new pickup truck I had found and bought for him.
He stayed with this woman all 12 days, travelling from Arkansas to Branson, MO with her in our truck.
I found out the first night he left (long story). Within 2 days I had cleared out our home of all furniture, appliances, everything that was in the house. The next day I filed for divorce. I was set and ready to move back to CA when he came home and had a total breakdown.
It ended with me finding him with his gun in our garden shed. That is a story all it's own, one I don't want to revisit at this time or ever for that matter. I was able to talk him out of the shed by telling him we can make this work, we can work it out. I stayed, we bought an entire house full of new furniture, appliances, etc.
Little did I know that he was already seeing the woman he is with now - and that he continued to see her. She was a co-worker of his as well, at his new job and he was her boss.
When I found out last year in December, he played with both of us: staying with me, but seeing her. He finally moved out, but did not move in with her. He moved in with his parents who live 7 houses from us.
I was devastated! Staying in this house was not an option for me. He wanted the house, I moved into an apartment and I filed for divorce.
At 56 years of age I found myself starting from scratch, while he was set for life: the OW owns a house which she promptly rented out fully furnished with her own stuff and then she moved into my home (also fully furnished) the very next day. How do you do that as a woman? Just leave all of your stuff and step into another woman's house with all of this woman's belongings still in it and the marriage bed barely cold?
Anyway: I didn't want anything to do with my husband. I couldn't bear it! I didn't take a single thing from the house and donated all the clothes and anything I had to Goodwill. Then I went and bought new furniture for my 1 bedroom apartment.
I was heartbroken and cried most of the time. I filed for uncontested divorce in January and the divorce was to be final 61 days later. He signed a waver of service, which I thought (and told him) was so he didn't have to appear in court. Later I found out it is actually a waver saying he does not need to be notified of any of the divorce proceedings :-)
March came and went without me going to sign the final papers on the divorce. By that time I had gotten to a point where I was getting more and more angry over everything.
He had nothing when we met, not even a car. He came to me, owning maybe 5 pair of ragged jeans, a few shirts and a cowboy hat. I bought the house, I got him his job (literally did his application and took his packet to a friend who worked at the company), I bought him a brand new truck every year, did all our finances, pretty much was nothing more than a paid maid and caretaker for 8 years.
And then he told me that he never even loved me all of this time!
So, anger started to set in over the fact that this man whom I loved so deeply had used me from the beginning. Here he was, sitting with 2 houses (hers and his), 2 full sets of furniture, 2 brand new trucks, 2 great paying jobs (they were bringing in $140,000 a year)....and here I was, with absolutely nothing to show for for my hard work over the past 8 years.
I hired a divorce attorney. It was the best $4500 I have ever spent! Since he had signed the waiver, we were under no obligation to let him know anything of what we were doing. By the time all was said and done, I was awarded the house, most of the furniture, all of the appliances and fixtures, 1/2 or our stock and 1/2 of his retirement.
I also went to his job and filed a complaint that the company allowed the boss to be sleeping with the help. His immediate boss had been aware, but did not take any action. My husband was all smug, thinking how his boss and buddy was not going to do anything about it.
So, I went to corporate who - it turned out to be a woman :-)
You see, my husband and his mistress kept telling the company that they were NOT in fact involved. They got away with it for 6 months. After I went to corporate, the company started to investigate my claims of her living with him. The last time they called them in and asked them about their involvement, they still denied it, but the company had proof.
I expected he would get fired and was surprised when they both got fired. Not for being involved, but for company policy violation AND for lying. She had worked there for 14 years, he going on 7 years.
Imagine his surprise when I told him they had to vacate our home within 1 month! Since they both lost their jobs, they were not able to move into her house, because they are not able to make the house payment. So, for the last 4 months they have been living with his parents, 7 houses from my house.
They have been out of jobs for coming on 6 months and I truly believe that neither of them will be hired anywhere. How are they going to explain having been fired after 14 years and 7 years? Even if prospective employers don't get the story, that fact alone will be a deterrent from hiring them.
Now, I know there are people out there who agree with him (that I am a vindictive c..t), but you don't know 1/2 of the stuff that he told me that he did. It would take a book to write it all.
For me it was enough to know that this man used me for 8 long years! He told me this when he told me that he never loved me and when he was unable to answer as to why he would marry me when he already knew that I was not the one he wanted, when he was already going to other women's homes BEFORE we were even married. When I didn't want to get married, but he kept pushing for it until I gave in.
It was enough to know that he was sleeping with other women - unprotected - and then coming home, bringing who knows what with him. I know that over the last 5 years I was experiencing women issues that I had never had before and I couldn't figure out why I was suddenly afflicted with such issues. Funny thing is that I have not had a single episode since we split up last January.
For me it was enough to realize that while I was in the hospital in 2010 for ten days, I only saw my husband there for about 20 minutes each night. While other patients had their significant others there almost day and night, I was always alone. I realize now that he was off doing what he does best: romancing other women. While I was laying in that hospital bed, scared out of my mind, he could have cared less.
Then in October of 2014 I took myself to the hospital. I was having chest pain and I was scared. I called him from the hospital and told him where I was and why and that I was scared. I expected him to show up - he never did. As a matter of fact, I was unable to get a hold of him after that initial call. When I came home 2 hours later, he was sitting in the kitchen - he had turned off his phone....
In October and then November I had to put 2 of my dogs down. He was home both times. I went by myself to the vet both times. He knew it would devastate me to put them down, yet he did not offer to go with me, nor did he show up at the vet. My vet's wife stayed with me through it all.
During the last days he became verbally abusive, calling me a fat, lazy ass, big nose, stubby toes, picking on all of my insecurities and using them as weapons against me. He even went as far as to tell me 'There were times when I felt prettier than you'! The lazy part was a joke, considering I was the one who handled everything from finances, cleaning, gardening, mowing, shopping, laundry, cooking - all while working 40+ hours a week and all while my 'poor' husband was in bed, supposedly sleeping from 8AM -5Pm. I now know that in actuality he was sexting with the OW and who knows how many others.
He never took time off from work for me, saying he has always been this way, that he is a workaholic. Then I saw on his paystub that he had taken off 36 hours which he did not spend with me. During that time he would dress and go to work as usual and then return home as if he had been at work all night. Which of course he wasn't.
There are still times that my heart breaks for him when I see him standing in his parents front yard, knowing how much he has lost. He came to me with nothing, left, expecting to live high and now he was back to having nothing at all. There is a part of me that still loves the man I thought he was and that is the part that allows me to feel sorry for this man.
Then there is this other part of me, the bitter, angry part at having been used by him for so many years and once he reached the top and was sitting pretty, he discarded me like yesterdays trash. He figured he got away with 2 houses, 2 new trucks, no debt, 2 great incomes, 2 great retirements and a large amount of stock. Not once did he check in with me to see if I was doing ok, if I was faring well. He was riding high with his mistress.
The funny thing is, neither of them post any picture with or of the other on FB. Neither of them show a status of being involved, etc and neither of them write on the others FB. Though she posted 'I finally roped my cowboy" to which one of her friends asked how his retirement would be. She replied 'He told me it would be big'
Surprise: it is not nearly as big as he thought it would be, considering he got fired and I am getting 1/2 of it :-)
I don't feel sorry for her. From what I know from the OW's brother-in-law and co-workers, she has a habit of sleeping with married men. She broke up at least 2 other marriages that I know of. One of the married men left his wife to be with her, only to find out several months later that she was having an affair with yet another married man. The first married man left her, the 2nd married man moved in with her. A few months after he had left his wife, she kicked him out and started seeing the first married man again. She was still seeing him when she started with my husband.
And yes, she KNEW he was married and she KNEW that we were together. I had told her when this first started to rear it's ugly head. He had told her that he was living with his parents. I told her that was a lie and he was at home with me. She had the gall to drive to my house to see for herself.
So, NO, I do not feel pity for her at all. They both deserve everything that is coming down on them and then some! Call me Karma
Replies