Karen created a MONSTER
I was having some guilt thoughts last night. AfterJeff's heart transplant he was very weak. He had three surgeries in one day. When they finally got him off the ventillator he was very, very weak. Jeff said to me," Mama, I don't ask anyone for much. I want to eat but I'm much too weak to feed myself. Would you please feed me my meals?" I was happy to help Jeff in any way that I could. What are Moms for, right? Well, the nurses had other ideas. They said that if you don't use your motor skills, you will loose them. Since it was looking like he would be in the hospital for a while, I wanted him to do things the way that the medical prof. said was best... I stopped feeding him. To some people this might sound like an insignificant thing. To me it is enormous. I wish I had just told the nurses that they work for us. NOT the other way around. I am Jeff's mother. This is MY decision. not yours. I wish I would have stood up for him when he was counting on me to do so. This is hopefully an eye opener for everyone who reads this. Please tell your friends and loved ones when their loved ones are in hospitals. you have rights. Patients have rights. Just because a nurse or even a doctor orders something, that doesn't make it scripture. If you don't agree with an order, question it. If you still don't agree, well, you have the right to refuse.
Replies
So very right you are...you have to stand up for yourself & other when you are in that situation. I know only too well the guilt & that comes with some of the medical decisions we make or told to do at the time. As it is said hind sight is wonderful - please don\'t beat yourself up over anything you did - it was a decision you made at that time & you did what you thought was best for Jeff. That is all any of us can do...Hugs, Ann
I totally understand the guilt thing. Don\'t bet yourself up, we do what we think is best at the time. The last day my husband was really coherient, he wanted ice cream. They told him no, not until he was moved to comfort care, well, after that he was not coherient anymore and 4 days later he died. The nurse should have let him have ice cream. (Man I just got mad all over again.) They are workers, not god. They were pushing for him to be put in comfort care, so they knew that he was dying, he should have got his stupid ice cream. Sorry for my anger, thinking about that again, just made me really mad. Hang in there sweetie. Hugs. Shawn
Colleen, I understand exactly what you mean. I have been in those shoes many times during hospital stays with Chris. But at the time, we try to do what is best and we think listening to the drs. and nurses is best, so don\'t feel guilty about that....you did what you thought was best at that time. But I do agree with you, we do have rights and we do have the right to question anything that goes on with our care or the care of our loved ones. Sometimes we do know better than they do on certain things. You were there for Jeff and that is what he needed most.........just his mama being there. Love you, Kim
You did what you thought you should at the time. Don\'t beat yourself up. Just the fact that you felt bad shows what an outstanding mother you are. I hope your son does okay. Prayers are coming from all over I bet.
I know this very well. My son was extremely sick with asthma and he was not getting any betetr after a full day. I checked the meds in his IV bags, walked out to the nurses desk and demanded she call the dr and have them changed to 2 other meds. She argued with me and I said, fine, I will have my son transportd elsewhere then, I left for maybe half an hour and went back to his room...guess what? The meds had been changed and he was already feeling better. I hope other people take your post to heart as it is the truth, and hope for better parent/medical professional interaction.
You are so right, Colleen! Some years back, I was living with my great uncle he was in the hospital, suffering from colitis and pneumonia. On his last night, he begged me to take him home. They kept his hands tied to the bed at all times unless I was there. I tried to feed him and the nurses told me to stop doing it. Then they ordered me out of the room when he was having breathing problems. The next morning, he was dead. He was old, but I just feel like they should have let me be with him during his last moments. But it is easy to feel like you know best sometimes. Even as a dog groomer, I am guilty of thinking that I know more than the owners at times. Love, B
That is good advice...if someone had given you that advice before Jeff was sick...and you didn\'t do what YOu felt was best THEN you could feel guilty, but they didn\'t so NO GUILT. Honey, you did the best that you could with what you knew at the time...we all did. Love to you...and was it me that created \"the monster?\" Karen
I understand as well. What an enormously challenging thing you\'ve had to face. I would have broke down myself and fed my son and then explained the situation to him as the nurses did to me and tried to work together on that with future meal times. Then I would have had a terribly long cry in the chapel!
You are so right. I wish more people would go with their instincts.
They\'s be more right than wrong. Love and hugs cathy