just writing today

Just drifting today but feeling mostly good. I talked to the girls about starting therapy next week. Alexis is a little resistant but said she will do whatever makes me happy. It broke my heart, I tried to explain that it wasn't about making me happy but about giving each of us a safe place to get happy and healthy, she seems a bit skeptical. Alyssa, on the other hand is vehement that she is not going. She stated that she thinks this is because I think there is something wrong with her and what's the point in talking to someone when the people who really need to hear it (meaning her parents) are not there, so nothing will ever change or get better. Actually, even though it hurt to hear it said that way, I totally agree and get what she's saying...she doesn't have the problem, WE do. I just pray once they actually meet Amber they will feel as comfy with her as I did. That they will feel safe and able to open up and begin to heal. 
That leads me to my next, and bigger concern. They are so not going to want to be in the shelter! How can I convey to them the reasons out has to be that way without completely freaking them all, including Jordan, out, and bad mouthing their father?! I'm just going to try to trust that this too will work itself out. Maybe Amber will have some suggestions.
I'm going to start looking for another job next week, too tired now. The reality is that I'm not making enough to justify all that I do at my office anyway, but honestly I just want to go completely under the radar when we leave. So many things to prepare for, but I'm getting so excited imagining the possibilities for mine and the kids lives! There are so many things I wanted to do but was never allowed to for one reason or another, feels good to think that I will soon be able to :-)