Just when you think...
Yesterday was an alright day, but as the day wore on tears just kept creeping from my eyes. I wasn't sure just what was going on. My oldest grandson and I went to Barnes and Noble bookstore and out to eat after church. We both talked about his Daddy and got a little teary eyed. I picked up my youngest grandson after a birthday party and we all went to my house and played and watched TV. After their Mom picked them up I just kept missing Clinton more and more. I have been doing really well for quite a while and wondered why it was bothering me so much and so consistently yesterday. After going to bed and writing in my journal I finally realized it was the 21st...2 years and 9 months since Clinton's accident. Even as time begins to soothe my aching heart, sorrow sneaks up behind me and taps me on the shoulder to remind me that there is still a Clinton-shaped hole in my heart.
I gently cried myself to sleep last night but woke up feeling okay about life again. I remember all the times my crying was so devastatingly heartwrenching and almost physically unbearable. I remember when each day there was great despair and overwhelming sadness all day long. I would have never believed then that time and understanding friends would help to heal the horrible wound that had been inflicted on my heart and my very being. It is a battle I have fought and will continue to fight as long as God wants me to remain here on this earth...His plans are greater than mine. I will continue to fight this battle to honor the life of my precious son and the love we had and still have for each other.
I write this journal entry in thanks to all the precious Mother's here who have helped and continue to help me on this journey. I also write this journal entry as encouragement to the Mother's who don't believe that they will ever be able to get past the all consuming grief of losing their precious child. Don't close yourself off from the beauty and peace that life still has for you. You would want that for your child if you were the one gone and believe me, your child wants that for you too.
I don't love my son any less nor do I miss him any less than I did 2 years and 9 months ago, but I am able to walk more upright through this journey as time continues on. Love, peace and hugs to you all...Lynn
I gently cried myself to sleep last night but woke up feeling okay about life again. I remember all the times my crying was so devastatingly heartwrenching and almost physically unbearable. I remember when each day there was great despair and overwhelming sadness all day long. I would have never believed then that time and understanding friends would help to heal the horrible wound that had been inflicted on my heart and my very being. It is a battle I have fought and will continue to fight as long as God wants me to remain here on this earth...His plans are greater than mine. I will continue to fight this battle to honor the life of my precious son and the love we had and still have for each other.
I write this journal entry in thanks to all the precious Mother's here who have helped and continue to help me on this journey. I also write this journal entry as encouragement to the Mother's who don't believe that they will ever be able to get past the all consuming grief of losing their precious child. Don't close yourself off from the beauty and peace that life still has for you. You would want that for your child if you were the one gone and believe me, your child wants that for you too.
I don't love my son any less nor do I miss him any less than I did 2 years and 9 months ago, but I am able to walk more upright through this journey as time continues on. Love, peace and hugs to you all...Lynn
Replies
Hello there!!! i lost my husband 2 yr ago next mo. The first yr or so was very hard but I am fine now. It would be too dvestating to lose one of my children!!! Much much worse!! You R so lucky to have grand children near by to spend time with!! I wanted to go be with the LORD and I love my children but I just wish I didn\'t have to stay here. I hate to say this but i cry alot and life is just too damn complicated and sad to me. I don\'t want to stay here and thats my problem!!! I have illnesses and just sit here waiting to die!!Just wishing!!! I guess I am being very selfish here. I don\'t miss my husband ,the marriage was like being on a roller coaster anyway!! If I live so my kids don\'t have to grieve any sooner than they have to I still have no interest in life nor do I want to !!! i have to admit I am a mess!!! Sorry that this ended up abt me and not you!!! God Bless you and keep you!!! June.
How very true & so well put - it doesn\'t hurt any less, we don\'t miss them any less, but we have learned to how to live with more pain than we ever thought possible & most days with a smile on our face because no one would want to know how much we are really hurting. Hugs, Ann
Beautifully expressed dear friend...I know that tap on the shoulder so well...but we DO have blessings don\'t we...so we choose to see those blessing in spite of the hole in our hearts. Love to you kind and gentle friend...Karen
what a beautiful jounral, it is so inspiring. We have suffered the fatal blow of life, loss of a child is always so devastating, but life does go on, the ones who are still here with us need us. This is a life long battle, but we are blessed to have each other to get through the ups and downs. love you heaps, you are so special. Robyn
Wow!!! What comfort you share and wisdom. It helps to put the pain of loss into a better perspective. ((hugs)) Patricia