Just trying to cope

Today is 7 weeks and 2 days since Jim passed.  I choke back tears as I write this hoping that some of the pain will go away.  The weekend is approaching and I fear the loneliness that I feel in the house.  The quiet becomes deafening.  Yesterday the ambulance service left a message for him and mail came addressed to him.  Each little thing seems to break my reserve.  Sometimes I think it has gotten harder instead of easier, but I realize that in the beginning I was so numb that I was just going thru the motions.  I have been lucky to have friends that supported me, kids that kept me going. But no one wants to be around someone that only functions half way forever.   My family has not contacted me since two weeks after his death nor has his- but you can't pick your family.  If he were here he would tell me it was ok, that this is the way they are.  But he isn't here and I am so angry!  I keep waiting for the day for it to get easier.  In the mean time, I am just trying to not do anything stupid (have thought about getting another dog, a roommate, moving, changing jobs-you name it!).  At night I look at the stars and when I see one I talk to him,  when there are none I am so sad.  Last night no stars.