just thoughts in my head....

This has been a difficult weekend. Really struggled with a lot.  I have pulled back from everything and everyone.  I know I'm doing it, it's purposeful.  I want to ask for help but I don't know how.  It seems that I can't.  I'm afraid of what they'll think of me ... what they'll do to me.  I don't want to lose my freedom.  I don't want people to start talking down to me.  I don't want people to make decisions for me ... and that's what will happen if I ask for help.  That's what will happen if I reach out.  So I stay to myself.  Isolated.  It's a dangerous place to be.  Work feels like it's crashing down on me.  I hate my job and I don't want to do it anymore.  I used to be good at it... I don't think that anymore.  I've lost confidence in myself, completely.  It's a very bad feeling to have zero confidence.  I don't know how to continue.  I don't want to continue.  I just wish tomorrow weren't Monday.  I'm not ready for another week.  I'm not ready for it.