Just taking it a day at a time

Since he was upset at me for being cold towards him at my birthday dinner, he did not tell me happy birthday on the Saturday of my birthday. I thought it was pretty childish of him to ignore me because of that. It really hurt my feelings. He later came back after he got off work and apologized for his behavior. I told him he succeeded in hurting me. He then began to apologize for everything he did in the past to hurt me. I began to ask him questions like who the girl was that he cheated on me with. He admitted that it was his friend that he was with but that they were just buddies after that. Though they did get back together after we split... I asked him if he was actually with her when he said he was out with his guy buddies. He said that most of time he was with the guys but that sometimes he would go out with her. I have a hard time believing they were just buddies after that. IF they were then he wouldn't have kept her a secret. I also got him to admit to pawning our wedding rings. I asked him why he did it, he said he needed the money. That's still so unbelievable though! Out of all things. Anyway, I could tell he was honestly and he said he wanted his family back. I told him I thought he could really benefit from some counseling. He agreed and said he wanted to do everything he could to get his family back. I didn't say much to this because it was good to hear him apologize and want to change. That is what I always wanted before, after all. As the days passed I started to think if that is what I really wanted. I realized I was still hurt and angry even though he apologized. I feel totally uncomfortable with the idea of being intimate with him. The thought actually disgusts me. I was never really attracted to him before, but now even less.
A few days later he texts me asking to borrow money and he calls me babe. I told him not to call me that. It just felt weird. I wasn't ready for that. After all, I have been seeing Jason for almost 6 months now. When he came to pick up the money he asked where we stood. I told him that I had really been thinking about that for the past few days. So much I think it actually made me sick and my whole mouth broke out in canker sores. I ended up telling him that I just couldn't do it. I could not get past the hurt that he caused. I said I needed to just work on myself right now and that he should too. We both cried in the parking lot but we said what we needed to say. I felt better after that, but it still does hurt and I still have feelings of sadness. I guess that's normal, but I just can't wait until I'm past this stage so I can forgive and move on. It's so hard, though. I just feel like it's going to take years to get past everything.