Just Stopped In

Just thought I would stop in and participate some with those who are over 3 years out, and to let my DS friends know how I am.
I remain a very busy person (i.e., bus trips, travel, ceramics, bingo, etc.) and love spending time with my family and friends.
If asked how I am, the only word I can describe is "Comfortable".  I could say fine when Dick was alive, when Dick was not suffering from cancer.  My life would only be fine now had he lived, or never became ill in the first place.
The word OK is out of the picture too.  I lost my husband.  OK is something I am not.
The pain remains, but not in the intensity it started in, or has been the past few years.  I have fun, I laugh, I play, but there is always and will always be a part of me that is injured.
Being called Mrs. S still brings a warm feeling, looking at my rings a peaceful comfort.
Still hate these words:  "Time", "Getting over it", and "Moving on".  In healing, the only description I can give is finding your special place, a life that works for you.  Don't look ahead too much, for none of us know how long we will be here.  Same goes for the saying "You have the rest of your life".  Just get up, put your feet on the floor, your cat a kiss (if you have one), and enjoy what lies ahead that day.  With practice, it eventually becomes automatic.
Am I lonely?  No.  Am I alone? Yes, I live alone, but I'm never alone.  Do I entertain finding a companion or remarriage?  No.  Those words aren't ever part of my thinking process, nor are they desired. 
My husband was diagnosed with cancer.  Chemo, radiation, 3 surgeries, and ultimately watching him waste away to practically nothing.  Crashing at month 5, and a lot of hard work crawling out of the hole. 
Now life is all about me.  Not a selfish me, but "me" comes first now before anything else, and that is a good feeling.
Hope everyone is healing or have found their special place.