Just starting to hit home

So why now after 5 months is it just starting to hurt so much. I didn't cry when he died, maybe I should have. My daughter is moving 3000 miles away next month maybe the thought of really being alone scares me. I am always the strong one in the family. I pick up all the pieces and make everything better. With it my turn to need I feel like everyone has turned their back on me. Our marriage wasn't very happy and I stayed for 20 years, always hoping it would get better. We knew each other for over 30 years, more than half my life. How can you turn your back on that. But everyone around me thinks I should be glad it is over. And I feel it just started.