Just stuff

I am sitting here waiting for hubby to call to pick him up. He went out to california for business. the business deal sounds like it is going to work out well. I have been so bored and restless since he has been gone, I usually enjoy it when he is out of town I get to do some small projects and whatnot, but not this time i just couldn't get started. I kept trying to start the thoughts were there but I just couldn't seem to get going.
I wanted to paint my countertops in the kitchen, there is nothng wrong with them except the colour. i have seen where they use the melamine paint on laminate. I just want to get a couple more years out of them before we replace them.
i seem to sit all day and think about all the things I want to get done and never seem to do any of them. I get all the regular stuff done, the housework and the cooking but I can't seem to get going on anything else. I seem to be stuck sonehow. I've been thinking that I would like to do some sewing and some gardening and maybe take up painting....but thinking is the furthest I get. Maybe this is depression, it feels different though. It is like i have this routine and I can't get out of it....I don't have anything that is pressing, I mean how much tv can one person watch.....maybe it is a way of not facing things or distancing myself from dealing with anything, even though I think I am dealing well with everything that is going on.
I know that the weight issue is bringing me down, I didn't realise how vain i was until my looks started going to hell....maybe that is the lesson i am supposed to learn from this. But I am a littled pissed too, I mean I spent 18 yers overweight and then i finally lost the weight and got healthy and then my life fell apart, the illness i can deal with but putting all the weight back on after all that work really sucks. I don't like to look at myself anymore....it's not really me, I don't even feel like me anymore.
Now I just need a good kick in the behind to jolt me out of this and get back to living my life, since my lungs are involved with this condition I don't really know how much time i have even though things are good right now. I want to take full advantage of whatever time i have and enjoy everything, I feel like i am not taking advantage of the time I have.....I should write letters to my kids and make as many memories as I can.
I need to stop whining now......guess I should go get some cheese to go with the whine....... 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

You are not alone with the weight issue. I am the same more or less. No drive to do anything. I do pray you can beat this depression and start loosing weight. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hugs Nance
deleted_user
deleted_user

You know I have had the same thoughts about writing letters, but then I start crying. In my mind it feels like if I do write the letters then there is nothing left to do. I have to keep up my will to fight, but also yield when necessary. The prednisone will have your thinking down, it crosses the blood brain barrier. The weight will come off as soon as you get off the prednisone, but I know what you mean. I avoid mirrors also. The round face, goiter, hump on my back and the tummy that looks as if I\'m a champion beer drinker. Then with the lupus I get to wear long sleeve shirts and great big floppy hats on top of it, yep I\'m a site to be seen. lol You are not whining, just letting some pressure out by opening the valve a little. If you wanted to really whine or rant, we could read a real good one. You have been handling things wonderfully, so give yourself a pat on the back and permission to do whatever it is you want to do today. No housework allowed. It\'s not going anywhere and you need a good time more than you need a clean house. Doctor\'s orders. lol I just realized how bossy I sounded. Hee hee. Have a good day and I totally understand where you are coming from. Love, Peace and Courage, Kim
oxfordns
oxfordns

I know exactly how you feel about the weight gain as well as getting projects done. I have been trying to do some outside painting but its hard to get started. (The rain doesn\'t help either).
Nothing but best wishes going your way!!!!!!