just some thoughts and feelings.
so i have been thinking and trying to understand that has happened in the last few months. my brother dies in august, my friend dies one day the next my brothers best friend/a close friend of mine dies the next day, and 2 cousins die in the 2 following days. that doesnt include my best friends gram that was like my gram that died in april or my uncle that was murdered in january. and that isnt everyone. i cant take it all. i dont understand why this black cloud is following me but i have had enough. i lost my job in january i was diagnosed with endometriosis in march or april. and i almost lost this job this past week. seriously i need a break from reality and life and everything else involved. im physically and mentally exhausted ALL the time. i wake up from a 10 hour night sleep and im still so tired that i can barely function. not to mention that i live with my friend dont have a car or lisence cant afford either and my credit is so shitty from my mothers bills and my ex's bills and my medical bills i cant do anything. it sucks im 20 years old and still dependant on everyone. im affraid to know what is next.
Replies
Hey sweety,
Im happy you\'re writing your feelings down and trusting people with them. No matter how much you hurt or cry, the fact that you\'re facing your brothers passing shows that you are one strong woman! Cry as much as you need, and make sure to take the time to take a break for you! You\'ve gone and are going through a very traumatic event, and you have to nurture you mind and body. I feel sad that you feel a black cloud is following you, but I understand that things have been really hard to say the least.
Id assume you\'re sleeping so much and still exhausted because you\'re depressed. I cant imagine your brothers death, and the endo being so horrible wouldnt seriously effect your emotions.
I didnt know your uncle was murdered, I dont know what to say but I really am so sorry. Im sorry about everyone that passed. Im a strong believer when bad things happen, like you described a black cloud, it never fails, really great things happen. Its like a natural cycle or something! You have amazing things coming your way, and I wish and pray that for you.
Keep going, keep your head high! And when you need time to rest and cry, take it. Have you looked into seeing a therapist? I have a great therapist who was willing to see me for a small fraction of her cost because I cant work due to endo.
Also, really try not to worry about the future now. Live in the now if you can. The present is called the \"present\" for a reason. Just really try to do one thing at a time.
Please take care!
All I can\'t think of is when it rains it pours. I know I\'m depressed and I upped my antidepressant to the highest dose (40mg) an I still feel this awful. I know that it doesn\'t \"cure\" grief and I don\'t want to be numb but I feel like it should be helping. I put on a mask every day just to get thru the day. I\'m just at a loss. I know I can\'t continue to do this on my own but I honestly don\'t think I have any other choices my friend is really good at bringing me where I need to go and stuff but I don\'t feel like I can ask her to bring me somewhere else I feel bad I help with the bills and house work as much as I can but I still don\'t feel like I do enough. I\'m trying to stay in the present but its so hard not to think about all the debt I\'m in and the things I need to do to better my future..... Thank you for your prayers. It means a lot