Just so exhausted
I have no strenght left in me.Everyday is the same it takes all the energy I have to cope with life.I keep praying it will be better.Very few days are good.I just try and take one day at a time.Justin's birthday is next Monday the 30th he would of been 26.What to do?I still haven't excepted Justin's death and probably never will.I do find myself laughing at things Justin did when he was little.Oh how I cherish them.My body has no strenght this moving has taken it all from me I ache all over and my heart is broken in so many pieces.I can't hardly stand a new day.It's just a circle of emotions.My baby is gone from those stupid drugs and I find myself blaming my self if only if I would of called or went over there.I always talked to him in the am.I have no reason why I didn't as they say it was his time but I don't believe it if only he'd not took those drugs I do and will always have the guilt in my heart.What a wonderful man he was.I miss him so much.I hope I'll never forget his voice or his smilie or what he looked like as the times goes by.I hope I will have peace sometime in this life I have Mike ,Ashli and Rebecca that need me but right now I have noone to reach out to.What a rotton damn life I have now.Noone talks about him anymore in my family its like he didn't exit.What a shame.Life stinks.Hope everyone can give me some support DS is all I have that understands.Thank you to all my friends on DS you all pick me up when I fall and can't get up.Love and Peace to all my friends.jfm24,Vicki
Replies
Please don\'t blame yourself. I believe many young people take chances. They are wonderful loving young people. I can remember when I was young I thought I was invincible. Please care take of yourself. I understand the effort everyday & the hurt in your heart. Sending you extra hugs. lucille
Dealing with grief IS exhausting. And, placing the added burden of guilt on yourself only makes it worse. It\'s natural to want to blame ourselves for not doing something to prevent our children\'s deaths. After all, we are mothers. If I told you I were feeling guilty about my son, Jerry dying of an accidental overdose what would you tell me? I would think you would say that it wasn\'t my fault. That my son, of his own free will, made some poor choices that led to his death. Does knowing this make it any easier right now? No. But, for our own recovery we MUST remember that truth otherwise we will be stuck in this abyss forever. Please believe, I say this with love in my heart. Treat yourself with the love and gentleness you show the rest of us moms here on DS. Sending you peace, my friend. Adrianne
Vicki...I am so sorry that you are so low...it is unbearable at times... But remember this is a roller coaster ride and you will have up days again. Some moms here choose to find three positives each day...maybe you could try that? Maybe you should speak to someone...either a doctor or a counselor. My husband just went on some meds for depression and it is helping him so much. I talk to a counselor about every two weeks, and for me that helps. Keep searching for ways to help yourself... Please release yourself from any guilt. Your son made his own decisions and although we can \"wish\" they didn\'t make the decisions that they did...but we couldn\'t stop them. Love and peace and a big ole hug...Karen
All I can say is I truly do understand. You know...we have talked. I don\'t have the answers,that is for sure. Just keep taking 1 breath at a time. I will, as always, be thinking of you. Give me a call anytime you want. Hugs, Ginger