Just so exhausted

I have no strenght left in me.Everyday is the same it takes all the energy I have to cope with life.I keep praying it will be better.Very few days are good.I just try and take one day at a time.Justin's birthday is next Monday the 30th he would of been 26.What to do?I still haven't excepted Justin's death and probably never will.I do find myself laughing at things Justin did when he was little.Oh how I cherish them.My body has no strenght this moving has taken it all from me I ache all over and my heart is broken in so many pieces.I can't hardly stand a new day.It's just a circle of emotions.My baby is gone from those stupid drugs and I find myself blaming my self if only if I would of called or went over there.I always talked to him in the am.I have no reason why I didn't as they say it was his time but I don't believe it if only he'd not took those drugs I do and will always have the guilt in my heart.What a wonderful man he was.I miss him so much.I hope I'll never forget his voice or his smilie or what he looked like as the times goes by.I hope I will have peace sometime in this life I have Mike ,Ashli and Rebecca that need me but right now I have noone to reach out to.What a rotton damn life I have now.Noone talks about him anymore in  my family its like he didn't exit.What a shame.Life stinks.Hope everyone can give me some support DS is all I have that understands.Thank you to all my friends on DS you all pick me up when I fall and can't get up.Love and Peace to all my friends.jfm24,Vicki