Just sitting
Well, it's almost 2 am and I'm just sitting here missing you. Watched tv tonight as usual and I should be sleeping but you're always in my thoughts. Went out to the backyard with the dog for a bit and watched the stars, wondering if you're safe and happy. I hope so because I pray for you. I can't explain the emptiness I feel with you gone.
I go from depression to anger and back and don't seem to have any other emotions. I do my best with the kids and the dog and try not to let them see me breaking down because they don't need that on top of their own grief but I don't know how to go on. When I leave a store and the cashier tells me to have a great day I cringe inside,even though I know they mean well and it's just something you say to pretty well every customer.
You always knew how to fill up the grocery cart while I walked along side you and complained until you smiled and told me just be quiet and let you do you do your thing. When I took you clothes shopping I hummed and hawed while you were in the changing room or strolling from one isle to the next looking for just the right top. I made sure you saw me roll my eyes in frustration but I loved seeing you happy when you picked something you really liked. What wouldn't I give to be walking hand in hand with you in the mall now. Or you threatening to cut up a t shirt of mine with holes that had obviously outlived it's time, so I hid it until I could bring it out again to tease you so the threats would start up again.
You were my life and everything in it and it's falling apart now. Life stinks but every morning I open my eyes and prepare for another day. It's not just that I need you to be there for me. I need to be there for you. I miss you putting your arms around me and telling me you feel safe. I miss your smell and the way your lips felt and the nicknames we had for each other, and too many other things to mention that pop into my head all through the day.
I miss you standing at the barbeque and cooking the great things you made. You wouldn't let me cook ever since I burned the ribs to charcoal 2 years ago and we still laughed about it. Me being as stubborn as I was I still ate those ribs declaring them delicious just to prove a point, even though they were terrible. I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of being right. But we both knew you were so after that I just watched and loved you for being you. How do you go on when the best part of you is ripped away?
Please be safe and happy my love. I need you so much and if you can't be with me then I need to believe that you're being protected by God.
I guess I'll try and sleep now to get ready for tomorrow. I love and miss you with all my heart.
Mike
I go from depression to anger and back and don't seem to have any other emotions. I do my best with the kids and the dog and try not to let them see me breaking down because they don't need that on top of their own grief but I don't know how to go on. When I leave a store and the cashier tells me to have a great day I cringe inside,even though I know they mean well and it's just something you say to pretty well every customer.
You always knew how to fill up the grocery cart while I walked along side you and complained until you smiled and told me just be quiet and let you do you do your thing. When I took you clothes shopping I hummed and hawed while you were in the changing room or strolling from one isle to the next looking for just the right top. I made sure you saw me roll my eyes in frustration but I loved seeing you happy when you picked something you really liked. What wouldn't I give to be walking hand in hand with you in the mall now. Or you threatening to cut up a t shirt of mine with holes that had obviously outlived it's time, so I hid it until I could bring it out again to tease you so the threats would start up again.
You were my life and everything in it and it's falling apart now. Life stinks but every morning I open my eyes and prepare for another day. It's not just that I need you to be there for me. I need to be there for you. I miss you putting your arms around me and telling me you feel safe. I miss your smell and the way your lips felt and the nicknames we had for each other, and too many other things to mention that pop into my head all through the day.
I miss you standing at the barbeque and cooking the great things you made. You wouldn't let me cook ever since I burned the ribs to charcoal 2 years ago and we still laughed about it. Me being as stubborn as I was I still ate those ribs declaring them delicious just to prove a point, even though they were terrible. I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of being right. But we both knew you were so after that I just watched and loved you for being you. How do you go on when the best part of you is ripped away?
Please be safe and happy my love. I need you so much and if you can't be with me then I need to believe that you're being protected by God.
I guess I'll try and sleep now to get ready for tomorrow. I love and miss you with all my heart.
Mike
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