just ranting... though turned into something interesting

The right thing to do is rarely easy. I mean people say that eventually you just have to let go, your friends, your family. Just admit that you might never see them again; what they dont understand is that sometimes that is next to impossible that when you are just minding your own buisiness things, places or people remind you of old friend, old times. And it hits you again, that empty feeling in your stomach you get when you miss a step when you are going up the stairs. When your ex boyfriend tells you that after going to a psychologist they have come to the conclusion that the best thing to do is to just ignore you and of course he has to tell you, to rub it in as if wasnt hard enough already. To add insult to the injury you feel like he is blaming you for being stuck, not directly but you know thats what he is trying to say, how he really feels. So what should you say "ok my pleasure" uhm no! You try to do the right thing to say that even if it hurts a little you think that well you are supportive of the decision if it will help him in the future, help him to be happy even if it means with someone else. While in your head you are just thinking "fine then fuck off! It's not like i need you!"However, that little voice in you head (you know the really annoying one that is almost always right) says that its for the best, and to try and see his point of view, his side of the story.... to just... grow up.So you try to simply suck it up as they say. Not complain to anyone, carry on with life. For what seems almost the end of the world, the walls crumbling down, is to be honest just a little stone in the path of the world. You go on with life, dinner with friends, movies with your family, smiling and laughing while inside your heart is torn apart. Every time you so much as go online, or facebook, hi5 you name it you get a constant reminder.Then you realize than even if your own small world fell apart the actual universe is still moving. People all around the world are getting together, having families, people die, babies are born; life still goes ahead, time eventually passes even if it seems like it all ended it had not. It is just a new beginning. The start of something different, not exactly a new book, but perphaps a new chapter.

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deleted_user
deleted_user

Sounds like you have been through a lot in your life my dear. So glad you have come to DS and learning to share and express your feelings. Journaling is really good for the soul. I pray you have a peaceful evening. Hugs