Just Pushing Through
Heard from the hospital social worker today. They say dad can come home if he has a care-giver. Heard from dad today. He wants to come home and said he'll let a maid service in to help take care of the house. He said I can live in the basement.
Heard from common sense today. And it said run for your life, girl.
I think I'm going to listen to that one.
But it's unbelievable that a hospital social worker thinks that my dad can simply come home as if nothing has happened. He's had surgery for cancer. He has dementia. I've had one, maybe two transit strokes, am overweight, have high-blood pressure and am not a young woman myself. Once dad is home, he'll change back to his usual self. He'll refuse to use the cane, preferring instead to take his chance with falls. I'll be standing there daily, begging him to use it, begging him to use his diaper, begging him to not give all his money away and expect me to spend my last dime to provide food and other expenses.
In return, I've already been told that I can't have company, not even my grandkids, and no men are allowed in the house, even though the last thing on my mind is getting a man.
Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. Less than six months ago I would have thrown myself in front of a bus to protect him. He has never loved me and I still would have done it. But I've learned something since then. When someone does not love you and you love them in spite of that, you've got to learn to love yourself even more.
So, this is me, loving myself.
Heard from common sense today. And it said run for your life, girl.
I think I'm going to listen to that one.
But it's unbelievable that a hospital social worker thinks that my dad can simply come home as if nothing has happened. He's had surgery for cancer. He has dementia. I've had one, maybe two transit strokes, am overweight, have high-blood pressure and am not a young woman myself. Once dad is home, he'll change back to his usual self. He'll refuse to use the cane, preferring instead to take his chance with falls. I'll be standing there daily, begging him to use it, begging him to use his diaper, begging him to not give all his money away and expect me to spend my last dime to provide food and other expenses.
In return, I've already been told that I can't have company, not even my grandkids, and no men are allowed in the house, even though the last thing on my mind is getting a man.
Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. Less than six months ago I would have thrown myself in front of a bus to protect him. He has never loved me and I still would have done it. But I've learned something since then. When someone does not love you and you love them in spite of that, you've got to learn to love yourself even more.
So, this is me, loving myself.
Replies
I seem to remember that you have had extreme issues with your dad ~~ right? Doesn\'t he demean you and curse you, and run you out of his house? I understand wanting to take care of your parent, but, not to put yourself through all of that again! I agree with \"common sense\" you. Don\'t do it!!! You can still pray for him and hope he \"sees the light\". You do not need to spend your money on him!! Why isn\'t he in a nursing home anyway? That\'s where he should be ~~ from the sound of his health and the dementia.
Hope you have peace that passes all understanding..
Hugs, Joely
Not having dealt with someone with dementia I obviously can\'t relate, but I do know that caring for my ailing husband took it\'s toll on me. If your father needs help at home in his current state, he needs more than a housekeeper. To expect you to assume that role is not a good idea. There are professionals that deal with this everyday. Your social worker should be able to find the proper agencies. You still would have the opportunity to visit often, support him as a daughter and be involved with his care plan. Most of all you need to take care of you! You deserve a life of your own! I can\'t imagine how much worse it can and probably will get as his demetia progresses if he is already setting rediculous rules for you to follow. Please listen to your \"common sense\". Hugs to you, Michele
I know your dad\'s health has worsened over time. Dementia and the big issues, he\'s dealing with now, he needs 24/7 care. for sure.
I truly hope you don\'t back down on your decision. Do what\'s best for your survival at this time. You need to take care of yourself. Please don\'t let your heart rule on this, it\'s very much a head decision too.!
Please take care of you, your dad, is blessed, to have you.
Love and hugs......Sandra
I
!. take care of yourself, 2. don\'t even think of trying to take care of him. 3. as no matter what you do/don\'t do it won\'t be right as far as he\'s concerned. 4. breathe and take care of yourself.....hugs, Sandi