Just pure rage....
I don't know what has happened but I am just overcome with pure unadulterated rage at everyone and everything. I know that I am not pregnant this month and I am so angry about it. I just don't understand why! I know I sound like a spoilt child but f@#$ing hell-why is this so damn hard?
I mean I see 14 year olds walking around with baby number 3 on the way.....all the time. And just today one of the other docs at work announced she was pregnant too. Ugh I just tried to plaster a smile onto my face but it was all so fake. I just feel so alone and so bloody miserable right now. I know that I have been trying to be so positive up until today but I think today I just realised that it is futile...this whole rubbish about eating more and exercising less has done nothing except make me gain weight. Which has just increased my stress levels because I just hate my body so much. I hate it because I am fat and I hate it because I cannot conceive. I am just at such a loss right now that all I want to do is curl up and pretend that the world doesn't exist.
I am really hoping that this is just a temporary thing because this emotional state is awful...I just don't think I can bear it.
With any luck I will wake up tomorrow feeling heaps better.
I mean I see 14 year olds walking around with baby number 3 on the way.....all the time. And just today one of the other docs at work announced she was pregnant too. Ugh I just tried to plaster a smile onto my face but it was all so fake. I just feel so alone and so bloody miserable right now. I know that I have been trying to be so positive up until today but I think today I just realised that it is futile...this whole rubbish about eating more and exercising less has done nothing except make me gain weight. Which has just increased my stress levels because I just hate my body so much. I hate it because I am fat and I hate it because I cannot conceive. I am just at such a loss right now that all I want to do is curl up and pretend that the world doesn't exist.
I am really hoping that this is just a temporary thing because this emotional state is awful...I just don't think I can bear it.
With any luck I will wake up tomorrow feeling heaps better.
Replies
I\'m sorry for how you are feeling. This sounds pretty normal considering everything you have been through. We have all been there. It\'s no fun. I hope that tomorrow is a better day.
Good luck with the eating/exercising. Sometimes gaining weight at first is normal. It may take a bit of time for your body to realize that it\'s getting all the food it needs... so no need to store extra calories. Keep it up, and good luck!
Awe sweetie, I would think that your feelings are pretty normal. I think there is a point where all of us have felt like the spoiled child that throws a temper tantrum stating how they want it now. It\'s natural, especially since it\'s such a struggle from some and it is so damn easy for so many. It\'ll get better. I think with the good/positive days you are bound to have some angry/pity me days. I have them, I\'m sure the majority of us have or had them. You are a great motivator for me on here! You help me remind myself not to get caught up in feeling sorry for myself too much and look at all the great things I do have. :-)
Keep your head up, sweetie! There are better days ahead.