JUST PRIORITISING

just thought i'd write an addition to my last journal. on monday i went for my diabetes check up.  i havent been for one for 6mth sor so.  it wasnt something that i really interested in to be honest and quite honestly, i lost faith in my endocronologist cos he put me on metformin, then he increased the dose knowing that i had liver disease.  not good!  the two dont go together well and when i took myself off the metformin i rang him to let him know.  six weeks later i got a call back to say that i was absolutely right and he told me to come off them immediately.  wow!  thank god i had already taken myself off them eh!!  unfortunately though, the metformin had already done a good deal of damage to my liver, but c'est la vie'.  that's life!anyway, next appt came and he suggested i went on gliclazide and gave me a script.  BUT i didnt take them and when i went back to him forthe next check up, he asked me if i had been taking them and i told him no.  he said he was GLAD cos THEY'RE NOT VERY GOOD FOR THE LIVER!  so, thats twice he's made a BIG mistake.  how could i trust his word and put my life in his hands now, especially as he wanted me to go on insulin.  no way would i trust him!  no way could i!anyways, that was three years ago. since then, i rarely turned up to any of my appts with him, but every time i did see him, he said i should go on insulin.  but i refused.yep, i refused every time.  that is til monday.  i saw the specialist nurse and she only had to say one thing to me and the decision was made.  she said, "because of your liver, you dont have a pancreas!".  whilst sitting in the chair opposite i contemplated her words. i knew the liver can affect the pancreas, but i had never related the two probs i had cos the diabetes was one of my first symptoms years ago.  derrrr me!  i thought too about the year ahead and knew it was gonna be crap with the biggest fight of my life - trying to stay alive.  i know its gonna be the ultimate fight and it made sense to me that i should remove one diabetes problem out of the picture to save worrying about it whilst trying to do something with my liver.  my db is not well controlled and hasnt been for ages and i decided i just didnt want the prob of trying to control it myself any more. so i agreed.  and do u know what?  i feel as though a weight's been lifted off my shoulders and i could kick myself for not agreeing sooner.so......... insulin it is!  now i just have to worry bout living.thanks for listening guys:)love you allxx