Just need to get everything out
I guess writing is a good way to deal with things so I'll start journaling by just getting everything out of my head down. Where to start.. guess i can make a list
1. Diabetes -- diagnosed with type 2 about 6 months ago. At this time i'm just managing by diet. Haven't done much in this area. I'm addicted to Mt. Dew which I need to ditch. Artificial sweetners make me sick so I can't drink flavored water, diet soda, etc. My family is picky when it comes to food so it is really hard to come up with better meals. I know i need to eat better in the monring, right now i start my day with a donut from kwik trip but it seems to keep me fuller longer than if i were to have a bowl or raisin bran or a thin bagel with peanut butter. I'm horrible about getting up in the monring so i do not have much time to eat or pack a good lunch so it is usually crap.
2. this leads to my other new problem - Adult ADD - inattentive type. i'm so disorganized, my head seems to be full of stuff and I have a hard time keeping thoughts together in there long enough to do something about them. i start so many things and don't finish them. my house is a mess, i try to clean but then get overwhelmed and give up. i'm going for my bachelors degree and find the same problem there when it comes to anything that requires a lot of critical thinking or challenging. i seem to get overwhelmed then just give up. same goes for the taking care of my diabetes. i always have the best intentions but never follow thru. for example, I have heard Qi Qong is very good in helping to control blood sugars and stress, etc and i want to try, i have planned to come home and do that at night, but have yet to start it. i had 6 weeks off between sememsters and haven't done anything i wanted to. this makes me feel horrible about myself and plumets my self esteem.
3. this leads to my anxiety and panic attacks. i get so stressed out i get panicky. also i am so worried that there is something wrong with me such as tumors, heart attacks, cancer, aneurysm, other horrific health things that when ever i get a pain, twitch, headache, etc. my mind races and panic sets in. it makes it hard to do daily things such as going to the store, to work, or just out with friends. I get shaky (could be due to blood sugars or something else) and I panic, I get dizzy (could be fluid in the ears or jsut congestion) and I panic I used to have it under control but it seems lately it is getting worse. My dr put me on prozac to help but of course, i forget to take my meds so it doesnt really help like it should. i am also in financial trouble which causes more anxiety and avoidence in paying my bills/balancing my checkbook which just keeps compounding on itself making it worse. Even as i write, my legs will not stop bouncing. when i stop, my whole body justs hums and i get nervous. Sleeping is hard because i start to imagine things. Having the tV on helps as I focus on that and then fall asleep but my husband gets up pretty early and it disturbs him so i have learned to fall alseep without it but it takes a long time. i have an app on my smart phone that plays relaxing music that i focus on that now helps. i have also found a gregorian chant channel on pandora that i listen to when i'm at work when i feel panicky and it seems to help settle me a little.
4. I just found out my grandmother most likely has pancreatic cancer. She is very special to me and practically raised me and my son. i'm so worried about her right now also. She is the one I call when I have an attack and calms me down the most. I do not know what I will do without her when the time comes.
i am married and have a son who will be 20 in just a few weeks. He has ODD and I think a lot of anger issues and is not able to get his emotions out. Anyways i do not feel any support from them. My son kinda puts me down when a panic attack comes or I start to talk about my Diabetes or ADD. Says oh, I just make things up or just using it as an excuse. Then gets on me about not doing anything for my conditions. I don't because I am stuck and need help, but they don't seem to really want to help. my husband is good when it comes to my panic attacks and understands that I just need assurance and gives it to me. As for the other stuff where i also need him, he has no clue or what seems to be any interest in learning about the conditions and what he can do to help and support me. I would love to have someone just take over my life and tell me what to do. i'm so tired of thinking and trying to figure out what my next move should be. I have a sister who wants to help but she works retail and lives about 20 minutes away, her support is greatly appreciated but the location and work schedules make it hard. I hope this site will help me find some peace and learn to deal with this stuff that i am dealing with. I'm so tired of feeling alone.
enough journalling for now, I do feel a little lighter just getting this out, maybe i'll be able to sleep. *Sigh**
1. Diabetes -- diagnosed with type 2 about 6 months ago. At this time i'm just managing by diet. Haven't done much in this area. I'm addicted to Mt. Dew which I need to ditch. Artificial sweetners make me sick so I can't drink flavored water, diet soda, etc. My family is picky when it comes to food so it is really hard to come up with better meals. I know i need to eat better in the monring, right now i start my day with a donut from kwik trip but it seems to keep me fuller longer than if i were to have a bowl or raisin bran or a thin bagel with peanut butter. I'm horrible about getting up in the monring so i do not have much time to eat or pack a good lunch so it is usually crap.
2. this leads to my other new problem - Adult ADD - inattentive type. i'm so disorganized, my head seems to be full of stuff and I have a hard time keeping thoughts together in there long enough to do something about them. i start so many things and don't finish them. my house is a mess, i try to clean but then get overwhelmed and give up. i'm going for my bachelors degree and find the same problem there when it comes to anything that requires a lot of critical thinking or challenging. i seem to get overwhelmed then just give up. same goes for the taking care of my diabetes. i always have the best intentions but never follow thru. for example, I have heard Qi Qong is very good in helping to control blood sugars and stress, etc and i want to try, i have planned to come home and do that at night, but have yet to start it. i had 6 weeks off between sememsters and haven't done anything i wanted to. this makes me feel horrible about myself and plumets my self esteem.
3. this leads to my anxiety and panic attacks. i get so stressed out i get panicky. also i am so worried that there is something wrong with me such as tumors, heart attacks, cancer, aneurysm, other horrific health things that when ever i get a pain, twitch, headache, etc. my mind races and panic sets in. it makes it hard to do daily things such as going to the store, to work, or just out with friends. I get shaky (could be due to blood sugars or something else) and I panic, I get dizzy (could be fluid in the ears or jsut congestion) and I panic I used to have it under control but it seems lately it is getting worse. My dr put me on prozac to help but of course, i forget to take my meds so it doesnt really help like it should. i am also in financial trouble which causes more anxiety and avoidence in paying my bills/balancing my checkbook which just keeps compounding on itself making it worse. Even as i write, my legs will not stop bouncing. when i stop, my whole body justs hums and i get nervous. Sleeping is hard because i start to imagine things. Having the tV on helps as I focus on that and then fall asleep but my husband gets up pretty early and it disturbs him so i have learned to fall alseep without it but it takes a long time. i have an app on my smart phone that plays relaxing music that i focus on that now helps. i have also found a gregorian chant channel on pandora that i listen to when i'm at work when i feel panicky and it seems to help settle me a little.
4. I just found out my grandmother most likely has pancreatic cancer. She is very special to me and practically raised me and my son. i'm so worried about her right now also. She is the one I call when I have an attack and calms me down the most. I do not know what I will do without her when the time comes.
i am married and have a son who will be 20 in just a few weeks. He has ODD and I think a lot of anger issues and is not able to get his emotions out. Anyways i do not feel any support from them. My son kinda puts me down when a panic attack comes or I start to talk about my Diabetes or ADD. Says oh, I just make things up or just using it as an excuse. Then gets on me about not doing anything for my conditions. I don't because I am stuck and need help, but they don't seem to really want to help. my husband is good when it comes to my panic attacks and understands that I just need assurance and gives it to me. As for the other stuff where i also need him, he has no clue or what seems to be any interest in learning about the conditions and what he can do to help and support me. I would love to have someone just take over my life and tell me what to do. i'm so tired of thinking and trying to figure out what my next move should be. I have a sister who wants to help but she works retail and lives about 20 minutes away, her support is greatly appreciated but the location and work schedules make it hard. I hope this site will help me find some peace and learn to deal with this stuff that i am dealing with. I'm so tired of feeling alone.
enough journalling for now, I do feel a little lighter just getting this out, maybe i'll be able to sleep. *Sigh**
Replies
Good job letting it all out! Best of luck!