Just More
Mostly more of the same. Feeling a little better maybe physically. But still not good.
Still just gloomy. Ready to be out of this funk. I know there are some things I could be doing to help myself more, but can't seem to get motivated to do them.
It is helpful to know that others are going through, or have been through where I am now. Also makes me sad.......
I do have dr appointment on Monday. Have been on the ad for 6 weeks now, so will probably adjust meds, he did say would probably double dosage when I came back. Will address the sickness for the last week if not feeling better by then. Plus being late again, have only had 2 periods since dday, November9. doc did check hormones last time and they low, but expected because I was on then, so .
Also have to ask to be tested for std's. This has been weighing heavily on me. I should have done it before. I really don't think he got anything or gave me anything, but I should do it anyway. I know. I haven't even brought up the issue to H. I guess I figure tell him after the fact when everything comes back clean or when I'm swinging a softball bat at him if test come back bad. Ugh. It is stressing me. I guess just because it's all so humiliating to have to say to dr, oh yeah I should be tested.........
Also we haven't been to mc for 3 weeks because counselor went on vacation, but we go back Thursday. Hopefully that will help.
Just seems like we have been at a kind of standstill. Sure he tells me all the time that he loves me. When I've been overly stressed he comforts me. But we haven't done any reading in 2 weeks. I have been reading Not just friends on my own, it's rough. But we are still on chapter 10 in His Needs Her Needs. We haven't talked about the A much recently. Haven't talked about a whole lot of anything really it seems to me. And maybe thats just me being negative, idk.
I keep thinking "is this what it's going to always be like? will this pain in my chest and the pit of my stomach always be here?"
I need to gain back some of my independence. Like I need to go back to work. Doing what, idk, lol.
But it scares me, on many fronts. For several years before and after moving to take care of Mom, the only "boss" I've had is my dad :) But I don't really want to do that anymore.
Also leading up to the a, I was preoccupied running one of the restaurants for year and half, then took care of Mom for 2 years, then moved back and went back to work in the restaurant. I was gone a lot, especially evenings and weekends( at restaurant, mom was 24/7) . Plus you throw in my ginormous family that is always around, involved, doing things together, a lot of times that H skipped out on those get togethers either because he was working or was a rare day off n he didn't want to spend it with my family. Anyway, lots of disconnect, because we were apart so much. So I don't want to do anything that takes me away from H and family evenings and weekends.
But I need to start earning money again aside from occasionally filling in for Dad. One because I will just feel better if I am contributing again, plus I have a senior in hs and a junior, so more bills :) But two because that little voice is whispering, what if you can't make it through this to the other side, you need to be able to support youself again. I hate that voice.
ugh just more ugh
Still just gloomy. Ready to be out of this funk. I know there are some things I could be doing to help myself more, but can't seem to get motivated to do them.
It is helpful to know that others are going through, or have been through where I am now. Also makes me sad.......
I do have dr appointment on Monday. Have been on the ad for 6 weeks now, so will probably adjust meds, he did say would probably double dosage when I came back. Will address the sickness for the last week if not feeling better by then. Plus being late again, have only had 2 periods since dday, November9. doc did check hormones last time and they low, but expected because I was on then, so .
Also have to ask to be tested for std's. This has been weighing heavily on me. I should have done it before. I really don't think he got anything or gave me anything, but I should do it anyway. I know. I haven't even brought up the issue to H. I guess I figure tell him after the fact when everything comes back clean or when I'm swinging a softball bat at him if test come back bad. Ugh. It is stressing me. I guess just because it's all so humiliating to have to say to dr, oh yeah I should be tested.........
Also we haven't been to mc for 3 weeks because counselor went on vacation, but we go back Thursday. Hopefully that will help.
Just seems like we have been at a kind of standstill. Sure he tells me all the time that he loves me. When I've been overly stressed he comforts me. But we haven't done any reading in 2 weeks. I have been reading Not just friends on my own, it's rough. But we are still on chapter 10 in His Needs Her Needs. We haven't talked about the A much recently. Haven't talked about a whole lot of anything really it seems to me. And maybe thats just me being negative, idk.
I keep thinking "is this what it's going to always be like? will this pain in my chest and the pit of my stomach always be here?"
I need to gain back some of my independence. Like I need to go back to work. Doing what, idk, lol.
But it scares me, on many fronts. For several years before and after moving to take care of Mom, the only "boss" I've had is my dad :) But I don't really want to do that anymore.
Also leading up to the a, I was preoccupied running one of the restaurants for year and half, then took care of Mom for 2 years, then moved back and went back to work in the restaurant. I was gone a lot, especially evenings and weekends( at restaurant, mom was 24/7) . Plus you throw in my ginormous family that is always around, involved, doing things together, a lot of times that H skipped out on those get togethers either because he was working or was a rare day off n he didn't want to spend it with my family. Anyway, lots of disconnect, because we were apart so much. So I don't want to do anything that takes me away from H and family evenings and weekends.
But I need to start earning money again aside from occasionally filling in for Dad. One because I will just feel better if I am contributing again, plus I have a senior in hs and a junior, so more bills :) But two because that little voice is whispering, what if you can't make it through this to the other side, you need to be able to support youself again. I hate that voice.
ugh just more ugh
Replies
Sometimes it\'s ok to take a break from all the reading. I think we can call it rebuilding fatigue. Even the CS wants to feel normal again. True, it\'s their fault things aren\'t normal, but it all gets so tiring sometimes and you just want to act like things are normal. Don\'t be discouraged by that. Sometimes, I actually feel happy when we are in our normal, mundane rut....makes me feel that life really CAN be normal again! Reframe the way you are looking at this and you\'ll start to feel better! Hugs.
STDs: Blech. That was a low day for me but glad it\'s over. Still waiting for H to get tested. Get it out of the way and off your mind.
Reading: Same. Somehow things seemed easier when we were \"working\" on us. At least the increased attention was nice. This feels too much like pre-A, but I guess the goal is to someday pug it behind us, right?
Find some time for you. Maybe sign up for a class you\'ve always wanted to take. If you do, I will. ;)
Thinking of you. Hoping the ADs help a little too.
Good for you on getting tested. Yes, it sucks and is kind of like adding gas to a fire, but it is necessary. I remember getting it done and my ex saying I was \"overreacting.\" I was like, really? Your boy toy tried to pick up a woman off of Craig\'s List and you\'ve screwed no less than six other men that I know of. Exactly what part of that is overreacting?
I agree with New Woman, find some time for you. A hobby or just getting out to do something fun every so often will help you clear your mind and give you something to be proud of and look forward to.
Hang in there. Sending good thoughts and a hug your way!
Sorry you are in a funk. I really hate those. Spring is on the way, the days are getting longer and the sun will shine a little more each day.
Yeah, I felt the same way, it is humiliating, and humbles you, and pisses you off, and gets you sad, all rolled up in one. NO wonder we get in a funk. But it is due time, probably nothing, but then at least you can outrule that, right?
Yeah, and then the missed periods, don\'t help at all! The funk, is bad almost like the \"limbo\" feeling for me, too! And someone else here said, you just want to \"act\" normal, even if you don\'t feel normal. And then you get into that for a few weeks or so, and then you suppress more, and then you have to re-address stuff with yourself, figure it out, and then re-address it with him. The not so merry-go round, really sucks!