JUST LET ME BE SAD

I hope I can write what I am feeling, no one telling me I am wrong or that I should do this or that.  Is this one of the hardest weekends in my life,,,YES
AM I SAD:  YES
DO I FEEL :  YES
DO I FEEL I AM IN THIS ONE ALONE BY MYSELF:  YES
DOES MY HEART BREAK EACH EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY:  YES
DO I MISS MY SON SO  MUCH:  YES
DO I FEEL LIKE I PUT ON A FACE;   YES
DO I WISH I COULD JUST GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP:  YES
AM I SO TIRED OF FEELING THIS WAY:  YES
THIS WEEKEND IS THE FIRST FOR ME ANY MANY OF US MANY OF OUR FIRST'S HOLIDAY'S WITHOUT OUT CHILD.
IT'S OKAY IF I FEEL THIS WAY, AND NOT ANYONE TELL ME I AM WRONG.  I AM HURTING, I AM MISSING HIM, I AM SAD THAT HE IS GONE.  BUT I KNOW THAT I CAN NEVER  NOT FEEL THIS WAY, CAUSE MY BABY IS GONE.  
DO I THINK THIS PAIN REALLY EVER GOES AWAY:  NO
DO I WANT ANYONE TO GIVE ME ADVISE TODAY: NO
 
DO I JUST WISH THE PAIN WOULD GO AWAY:  YES
DO I THINK TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY :  NO
I AM SAD: I AM DEPRESSED: I AM SO SO UPSET THAT MY SON IS GONE.
PLEASE DON'T TELL ME IT GETS BETTER!  NOT THIS WEEKEND ANYWAY!
LET ME FEEL MY PAIN AND SORROW, CAUSE YOU KNOW MY SON DESERVES THIS.
MY SON DESERVES ME FEELING SAD, HE DESERVES TO KNOW I CARE HE IS GONE,  
HE DESERVES TO KNOW HOW MY HEART IS BREAKING, AND HE DESERVES TO KNOW
I LOVE HIM SO.
SO GOD IF YOU COULD JUST TAKE A MOMENT AND TELL KEN HIS MOM LOVES HIM SO.
FOR THIS DAY AND FOR TOMORROW, I AM GOING TO FEEL MY SADNESS AND NOT 
MAKE AN EXCUSE.
I NEED THIS TIME, TO FEEL THIS PAIN, I NEED THIS TIME FOR ME, I NEED THIS 
TIME TO MISS MY SON, SO PLEASE JUST LET ME HAVE THIS TIME TO JUST BE.
 
A VERY SAD, DEPRESSED MOM, HAVING THE RIGHT TO FEEL THIS WAY.  ALL I ASK 
OF ALL MY FRIENDS, JUST LET ME HAVE TO TIME TO SAY, WHAT I REALLY FEEL 
EVERYDAY!!!
IF ANYBODY THINKS I WRONG, JUST THINK BACK TO WHEN YOUR BABY LEFT.
WE CAN'T BRING THEM BACK I KNOW WE CAN'T, BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE HAPPY.
I JUST WANT TO BE SAD.
LIFE IS A JOURNEY AND THIS IS ONE I WOULD RATHER NOT HAD, SO TODAY AND 
TOMORROW, I AM GOING TO BE SAD!!!!!!
DEAR KENNY:
I LOVE YOU KENNY WITH ALL MY HEART, I CAN'T STAND THE THOUGHT THAT YOUR
GONE.  I WILL CONTINUE TO MISS YOU EACH AND EVERY DAY SO SINCE YOU CAN'T 
CALL ME I WILL HAVE TO WRITE WHAT I NEED TO SAY.  YOU WERE MY FIRST BORN, 
AND A GREAT KID, YOU GREW AND TURNED INTO A GREAT MAN!! YOUR MISSED 
HERE ON THIS EARTH AND I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.  FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU 
ACCOMPLISHED AND ALL YOU GAVE.  LIFE IS PRETTY EMPTY SINCE YOU LEFT THAT
DAY,   I LOVE YOU SWEET SON, I MISS YOUR 
SWEET FACE, I MISS YOUR BLUE EYES, AND THE DIMPLES IN YOUR CHEEKS.  I 
COULD NOT HAVE ASKED FOR A BETTER SON, YOU MADE ME SO HAPPY FOR 45 
YEARS.  I REALLY CAN'T WAIT TILL I SEE YOU AGAIN.
I LOVE YOU BABY WITH ALL OF MY HEART, MOM'S SURE MISSES HEARING FROM YOU
AND HEARING YOUR PLANS.  YOU WERE THE BEST SON A MOM COULD HAVE HAD!!!!
WITH LOVE TO YOU MY SON ON THIS MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND.  LOVE FOREVER, 
YOUR LOVING MOM.
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

You put the right answers to every question that you asked...Hugs and a peaceful day to your, Connie
Robin4
Robin4

It\'s been almost three years for me and today I am sad too. I\'ve shed many many tears. I understand your pain and I\'m so sorry. Don\'t short change yourself one day....feel your sadness, embrace your pain and as awful as it may sound, invite your grief into your life. Over time, we heal and grief teaches us but not until our core has been dismembered and torn apart by our loss. Love to you and sending you strength for the next few days and as many days as it may take. Robin
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am sending you my support and love robin your words are so wise and heart felt
rcoco
rcoco

There is no right or wrong on this, the most difficult path. I sincerely wish for you, exactly what you need to get through this time. I am sure Kenny heard you in Heaven.....love and light, Rebecca
JACL
JACL

I totally understand and totally feel your pain. You have every right in the world to feel the way you do. I\'m right there with you this day. Please take care, dear friend, and let the tears flow where they may. Your words are heartfelt. May your Mother\'s Day be peaceful and gentle. Love and Hugs to you, Diane
CorysMom
CorysMom

You are not alone in your pain and sorrow. I have had a rough week leading to Mother\'s Day. I am sad now and will be tomorrow. Let the pain rush over you and CRY.
l8gra
l8gra

I miss my boy soooo much too. Sending you love and tender hugs...Lynn
biowoman
biowoman

You have the right to feel whatever you feel...love and hugs...Karen
Sandi2947
Sandi2947

Thanks truly for all the comments. Sometimes, I think just people not a lot here on DS, think we should act different by now. Thanks for just letting me say what I feel today and not feel judged by my feelings. I know each you are hurting too, and I wish there was a magic potion to take our pain away, but there isn\'t so just thanks again just for letting me just feel my pain...
and I am also so sorry for each of your pain. Sandi
deleted_user
deleted_user

I feel the same..
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have felt like you do today, many times. I\'ve wanted to die, because I couldn\'t stand the pain.You have a right to feel this way, it\'s okay. Love and hugs, sometimes that is all any of us can offer.
Gay
deleted_user
deleted_user

Whatever feels right to you, is how you should feel. May you feel the comfort of many arms surrounding you this day as your friends here at DS FMO encircle you with their loving thoughts. Truly your friend, BarbaraWawa
deleted_user
deleted_user

God be with all of us.....love, dale...brandon\'s mom
deleted_user
deleted_user

I feel the same way. I will take this day for me - to do whatever it is I need to do, to feel sad, to be with my son, to mourn my loss. Love and Hugs, Julia
RememberKala
RememberKala

I understand my friend.