Just Joined Journal Entry

I'm 27 years old and I've been addicted to video games since I first started playing when I was around 10 years old.  One doesn't struggle this long with something without figuring at least a few things out, and I'm a rather introspective person. The draw to games I have now is not really any different than the draw when I was first introduced to them:  control, achievement, and power.  These are things that all people need to feel at some level, and I was certainly no different. When I was young, I was not in control.  My parents took where they wanted me, told me what to do, bought my clothes, and grounded or spanked me when I misbehaved.  Even with TV, I had no say when my favorite show came on nor could I tell my favorite character what to do.  With video games, however, I was in control.  Sports cars, superheroes, and even ducks, were all puppets under my will.  They would succeed or fail at my command. Because I was in control of these avatars, their success was my success, and their failures were mine as well.  The games music would only magnify the thrill of victory or agony of "Game Over".  It didn't take long for me to associate my identity with them.  I needed to see if I was "good enough" to beat whatever game crossed my path.  If I was to only possess the game for a definite amount of time, I was devoted all the more to "see how far I could get" before I had to return it. As I achieved more and more in these virtual worlds in which I'd insert myself, I'd become more and more satisfied with my "abilities."  It was a point of pride for me that I was good at video games.  I was powerful and capable in these places.  As my time and skills became more specialized (read "wasted") on these non-realities, reality became more intimidating, more uncomfortable.  I would try unfamiliar things in the real world and fail or simply face difficulty and the disappointment or fear of not being good enough would drive me to the familiar comforts that only video games could provide for me. I'm now making an attempt at going "Cold Turkey" with video games.  It's hard.  The world can be a boring and difficult place, and it doesn't help that I've got quite a to-do list that's built up from neglect in favor of gaining levels and saving alternate universes from alien invasion.  Writing this all out has helped.  I just need to focus my needs for control, achievement, and power elsewhere - try to get them fulfilled in reality somehow.  I guess that's the trick, isn't it?