Just hurt....
I was talking to the stbx, talked about the weather, work, the kids and then about the lawyer and the divorce. How can we be having a normal conversation and just as quick he can jump to the D conversation like we are talking about what are we having for lunch, like nothing. I know it's happening, I know we are going to talk about it but it still hurts how he handles it like nothing, just another bullet in his agenda that he needs to take care of. I manage to keep it together and also reacted like nothing but deep inside it hurts, feels like knives cutting you from the inside out. Is so hard to move on, to break that emotional chain that still ties me to him. I am doing better, I am taking care of me, my kids, trying to recover my old self, working on making myself happy but never in a million years I imagined that divorce and the road to recocery was going to be this difficult and painful. I didnt cry which is a step up for me and I hope I don't breakdown later.
Replies
Cry when you are needing to, in privacy, and to reduce the lingering trauma of divorce word, find a different word to help you set the feelings aside so you can continue on in the same manner as he is.
You need to remember to put yourself first. He has, he is going to continue to put himself first.
You will find that moving on takes lots of side roads, detours, rest stops, and the deeper it hurts, the closer you are to the \"new\" you. Mourn the loss of the \"old\" you, and remember the good times to keep the laughter going.
Cry and you cry alone, laugh and the world laughs with you.
You\'re doing great!
You are moving on too even though it doesn\'t feel that way. I was kind of in shock when the papers were finally signed by the judge in front of me. The EX didn\'t come. It was me, the judge and the bailiff. Very surreal. I never really felt divorced until I moved into my own home.
(((HUGS)))
@ mideye - I try my best to keep my sadness to myself and private, nobody at work will even imagine that my world is crumbling apart, on my FB page and always happy and positive, that\'s why I come to DS to unwind the sadness inside me. I\'ve been trying to put myself first just sometimes it hurts so deep that it cuts through you. Thanks for your kind words, they are always so positive!!! :)
misred - that might be one of my hurdles right now, same house, since he is in Afghanistan all his stuff is still at the house just like he left it except the pics on the walls and the bedroom. I want to move but financially I have to hold on, maybe when I move into a new home were is just my things and the kids it will feel like a \"new\" life. I feel better now, at the time it was like my body was on fire!!! Thanks :)
you know where i am so i don\'t really have any words of wisdom but i am sorry you are hurting :{