Just hurt....

I was talking to the stbx, talked about the weather, work, the kids and then about the lawyer and the divorce.  How can we be having a normal conversation and just as quick he can jump to the D conversation like we are talking about what are we having for lunch, like nothing.  I know it's happening, I know we are going to talk about it but it still hurts how he handles it like nothing, just another bullet in his agenda that he needs to take care of.  I manage to keep it together and also reacted like nothing but deep inside it hurts, feels like knives cutting you from the inside out.  Is so hard to move on, to break that emotional chain that still ties me to him.  I am doing better, I am taking care of me, my kids, trying to recover my old self, working on making myself happy but never in a million years I imagined that divorce and the road to recocery was going to be this difficult and painful.  I didnt cry which is a step up for me and I hope I don't breakdown later.