Just going thru the motions...

Well I have no idea where to begin... It has been yet another day... that's about all of which I can be certain... I lashed out again... cant really tell if I was manic or not... I remember most but it definitely helps that I sent it through text... Anywho... Again I feel like Ive backslid... I'm so lost and confused as to which was is up... So much going on in my head and it doesn't seem to be slowing... I hate asking for help but in my condition it seems I have to! I hate the fact I even need help... I wonder what I'd be like to be normal... just for one day!?! To not be a world class fuq up or invisible or needy or broken damaged or anything else... JUST BE NORMAL!!! To be loved, waned, desired, needed, hell to just be enough... To not worry about anything... to not stress... to not feel hopeless and to not fail at everything!!! UGh Nowhere to start...Stuff floating so fast in my hed I cant even sort it to get it all out without sounding like I complete basket case... When will this all end!?! IM SOOOOO TIRED!!!