Just Get Help
"Just get help!" is a phrase which echoes from some of my meanest psychotic fog in some of the meanest rejection tones in my damaged memory banks. I havenae been able to pull cohesive memories of the people who have flung those mean tones at me, much less the context of use, but when I have witnessed other people under attack by the phrase, I translate the meaning as, "Get out of my face, asshole."
With the general stabilizing onboard our little ship of fools holding steady, I have been beating the proverbial bushes for help with my own, strictly personl needs. This unfortunate series of events has me feeling quite neglected, battered and abused. Hubs, as well, but his strictly personals are his to sort. So far it appears he is going to retreat into his work, as usual. Allowing the slide into our business-as-usual plan of well-financed single parenting is pretty high on my own anxiety list as an evolution worthy of watch-dogging. That was hard enough with 30 year old bones. I be far from certain my 65 year old bones can handle the stress.
There is nothing justy about "getting help." So far, the dead ends and missed guesses of the process are as unjusty as they have been in all the previous go-rounds. Romantic I ain't and I havenae ever played the dating game, but I am wondering anew if finding the right therapy fit is even harder than finding "Mister/Missus Right."
The details of the search donae feel worthy of chronicaling. I have the messy notebook which helps prevent redundancy, but the details feel as unimportant as the similar notebook I used for furniture shopping while we prepared for the move into the new house. Been there. Done that. Who's next on the list? Onward through the confusion. Excuse me, Ma'am/Sir, can you direct me to the *Just* aisle? Right next to the Sanity Aisle? Gotcha.
A still unidentified voice (possibly more than one voice) from my Psychotherapy Puppet Show is whispering, "Look for the cathartic value of the shopping process. Identifying and focusing your needs is the hardest part of the process and strictly personal. Nobody can do that job for you."
Works in progress. . .
My first potential success in just getting help is scheduled to kick off this morning. The cleaning crew is scheduled for the set-up clean of the house this morning. We have been in this house for a bit more than two months now and the first neglect layer isnae intense yet, but already intense enough to need a heavy cleaning. By the company cleaning plan, once that set-up clean is done, bi-weekly cleaning should be enough for maintenance. I am wondering if that bi-weekly plan is designed for geezers who actually **get** to retire. This geezy duo is sharing space with 3 still young children. Do we need a weekly clean?
Replies
Oh yes, I definitely think it is so much harder to find the right therapist than the right significant other! As another who has been around the couch rotation for decades, these days my weekly sessions are booked three weeks in advance to insure no other soul in need newbie squeezes me out of my therapeutic sweet spot. Charity begins at home right, she parrots a little guiltily.
Weekly sounds like a good fit for your clean, arfie. You could always kick it back if its not needed.
Triple hugs
I believe physics plays a much heavier hand in finding the ideal love fit than in finding the right therapy fit. Pheremones arenae quite so potent in the right therapy fit. All mind and no nature? ? ? Not to worry about this newbie squeezing you out of your therapeutic sweet spot, my triple x. The commute is a bit more than I can squeeze into the current schedule.
Great minds are thinking alike on the cleaning notions.
I've been luckier in finding right therapists in life than in choosing partners somehow, go figure. Methinks deep down it's because I was always more committed to mental health wellness than I really was to marriage, so the proof was in the pudding, as they say. Glad you can get help with whatever it is you need, therapy, cleaning or whatever. You deserve to get to live a little like those other retirees who actually do "get" to retire.
My grandmother always said "A happy house is a dirty house"-all the while pushing me to keep her house clean an a young child. Most of my childhood memories are helping her clean houses and dusting her nick knacks. Therapists are hard-Ive already gone thru two in the last year and it's too soon for the latest one-the best one I had was before I signed the lease and moved and this is on the Con List if I decide to take the matrimonial plunge and move back closer to that therapist.
As far as the cleaning goes-I'd have it done as much as you require, Make it easy on yourself and hubs. I remember how hard it was myself keeping the house clean with three teenagers-I couldve just quit my job and done that at home full time. Continued hugs Arfie.
I worked my marital troubles as part of my mental health package, Muji. I believe the two are so interconnected that I amnae at all certain I could have worked one without the other, but, as always, every healing journey remains unique.
My own housekeeping motto is, "Clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy." That clean enough to be healthy is far more work than The Not Working stigma respects. Yes, Sage. It is, easily, a full time plus job. The 3 woman crew who just showed up will even walk away with the check to prove they were working. Now to get that trickle down effect to the volunteer housekeepers called, "Mom."
I hear ya sister about the minefield of just get help. I have nothing but admiration for what you are doing and the huge adjustments for you all.