Just friends?
I find life so darn fascinating. Everything seems to be connected or woven together lately. Like...
My stbx told me about a month after he blind sided me that he hoped we could eventually get to a place where we could be friends. His thinking is that we were friends before we fell in love so we should be able to get back to that. My response was something like "you're out of your bleeping mind." I actually told him that it hurt too much to talk to him and that I couldn't be friends with him because I was in love with him. He honored my wishes for no contact and I didn't talk to him for a few weeks. I had to talk to him about some financial things and called him and we talked just long enough to get everything squared ( a few minutes ) and then I said goodbye. We needed to talk a few more weeks later and it was pretty much the same thing. During this time I had gathered myself together and started working towards a new future and was doing pretty well, so I called one day just to talk for a bit and see how he was and to let him know I was doing better. He doesn't call but will send an email about something he knows I like or a quick text message. I call him every once in awhile and do the same with the emails. I have felt in the past few weeks that the love I have for him is changing shape and form. I can't stop loving him or caring about him so this seems natural to me.
But at the same time I have felt like it's not right for some reason. Like I'm letting him off easy. It's actually been bothering me a bit. Until I thought of something tonight that has been right under my nose most of my life. My first boyfriends mother called me last week and told me she was throwing him a birthday party this Saturday night. She invited me and asked if I had my second boyfriends phone number because they've remained friends through the years and she wanted to invite him too. I called my second boyfriend and told him about the party and we are both going to go. I have loved 4 men in my life. I am still very good friends with the first 2. So apparently you can be just friends. I've been doing it for 30 years! I still can't see standing face to face with my husband and feeling nothing but friendship. I've just never loved someone like that and had the incredible connection and I'm not sure how much that love is capable of changing. There are a few things that I haven't let him off the hook for and one thing I don't even want to start to forgive him for, but I know how things change over time and it wouldn't surprise me if some time in the future I find myself being thankful I never cut ties with him. We shall see...
My stbx told me about a month after he blind sided me that he hoped we could eventually get to a place where we could be friends. His thinking is that we were friends before we fell in love so we should be able to get back to that. My response was something like "you're out of your bleeping mind." I actually told him that it hurt too much to talk to him and that I couldn't be friends with him because I was in love with him. He honored my wishes for no contact and I didn't talk to him for a few weeks. I had to talk to him about some financial things and called him and we talked just long enough to get everything squared ( a few minutes ) and then I said goodbye. We needed to talk a few more weeks later and it was pretty much the same thing. During this time I had gathered myself together and started working towards a new future and was doing pretty well, so I called one day just to talk for a bit and see how he was and to let him know I was doing better. He doesn't call but will send an email about something he knows I like or a quick text message. I call him every once in awhile and do the same with the emails. I have felt in the past few weeks that the love I have for him is changing shape and form. I can't stop loving him or caring about him so this seems natural to me.
But at the same time I have felt like it's not right for some reason. Like I'm letting him off easy. It's actually been bothering me a bit. Until I thought of something tonight that has been right under my nose most of my life. My first boyfriends mother called me last week and told me she was throwing him a birthday party this Saturday night. She invited me and asked if I had my second boyfriends phone number because they've remained friends through the years and she wanted to invite him too. I called my second boyfriend and told him about the party and we are both going to go. I have loved 4 men in my life. I am still very good friends with the first 2. So apparently you can be just friends. I've been doing it for 30 years! I still can't see standing face to face with my husband and feeling nothing but friendship. I've just never loved someone like that and had the incredible connection and I'm not sure how much that love is capable of changing. There are a few things that I haven't let him off the hook for and one thing I don't even want to start to forgive him for, but I know how things change over time and it wouldn't surprise me if some time in the future I find myself being thankful I never cut ties with him. We shall see...
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