just found out i am a sociopath!
Wow! Emotionally wrung out from crazy attempt at discussion turned argument. (surprise, surprise you say .....) Really so run of the mill for an argument with an addict, not really worth my emotional turmoil. What is upsetting me at this point is the disappointment. The tiny steps toward trust gone. etc. I became so sad and depressed and he had nothing to give, he just kept pushing my buttons so it was all my fault in the end and i just could not believe he could act so, so.... is there even a word???? I was crying and begging and screaming and crying and crying. Asking him to please,PLEASE try to see things from my place. when his response to me was to inform me that i was a deteriorating sociopath with equally crazy friends, family and a stupid job..... well it was comic relief. i totally had to force myself not to laugh!!!! then he said "What the hell is wrong with you?" ........ well, I said, I am trying to love an addict......... and then:
It is not without (a little) shame that I admit that i responded by reminding him that he has NO friends, has NO contact with his family, and my stupid job pays for his food, home and all medical expenses. I also felt it necessary to point out that he lost his last 3 jobs directly or indirectly because of addiction and that he also cut off two of his fingers on a table saw while drunk. I reminded him that i spent most of his children's lives being both mother and father to them. I can tell you very truthfully that i have NEVER spoken the words in this paragraph to him in all these years because i just always thought it was too mean and unnecessary.
It feels a little weird having gotten that off my chest. To have actually been driven to that level of anger and loss of control oh but then i guess it is ok since i am mentally ill.
It is not without (a little) shame that I admit that i responded by reminding him that he has NO friends, has NO contact with his family, and my stupid job pays for his food, home and all medical expenses. I also felt it necessary to point out that he lost his last 3 jobs directly or indirectly because of addiction and that he also cut off two of his fingers on a table saw while drunk. I reminded him that i spent most of his children's lives being both mother and father to them. I can tell you very truthfully that i have NEVER spoken the words in this paragraph to him in all these years because i just always thought it was too mean and unnecessary.
It feels a little weird having gotten that off my chest. To have actually been driven to that level of anger and loss of control oh but then i guess it is ok since i am mentally ill.
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