Just for a moment
Dearest,
I used your towels the other day. I’d been cleaning all day and it came time to clean me. When I stepped out of the shower I realized that my towels were damp from my previous washing up adventures, the only clean, dry towels were yours. So I used your towels, I felt guilty, a little sad and it made me miss you so. I know it’s a silly thing, but it made me miss you badly . . . just for a moment.
What I wouldn’t give just to hug you one more time. Just to hear you come through that front door, complaining about your day and all the people who didn’t like you, were mean to you. To listen to you go on about how difficult your day was and how hard your life is, harder than anyone’s. I’d enjoy your stories, sympathize, and agree with you, then I’d give you a hug just to reassure you that all was not lost. Oh, how I’d love to see you . . .just for a moment.
I’ve been feeling very unimportant lately, very abandoned. After the funeral people would call, some would bring food, many would visit. All that’s over now, no one calls, no one visits, they’ve all gone back to their own lives, your death was just a small interruption for them. They think I should be better now, I should “move on”, “get on with my life”. Maybe I don’t want to move on. Maybe I can’t. Without his lifelong friend, Puff could not be brave! Maybe I just want someone who can understand . . .just for a moment.
Your Ken
I used your towels the other day. I’d been cleaning all day and it came time to clean me. When I stepped out of the shower I realized that my towels were damp from my previous washing up adventures, the only clean, dry towels were yours. So I used your towels, I felt guilty, a little sad and it made me miss you so. I know it’s a silly thing, but it made me miss you badly . . . just for a moment.
What I wouldn’t give just to hug you one more time. Just to hear you come through that front door, complaining about your day and all the people who didn’t like you, were mean to you. To listen to you go on about how difficult your day was and how hard your life is, harder than anyone’s. I’d enjoy your stories, sympathize, and agree with you, then I’d give you a hug just to reassure you that all was not lost. Oh, how I’d love to see you . . .just for a moment.
I’ve been feeling very unimportant lately, very abandoned. After the funeral people would call, some would bring food, many would visit. All that’s over now, no one calls, no one visits, they’ve all gone back to their own lives, your death was just a small interruption for them. They think I should be better now, I should “move on”, “get on with my life”. Maybe I don’t want to move on. Maybe I can’t. Without his lifelong friend, Puff could not be brave! Maybe I just want someone who can understand . . .just for a moment.
Your Ken
Replies
Hi Ken,
How touching that must have been to use Abby\'s towels. We both just used whatever tile was on top of the stack in the linen closet. That must have been difficult to use hers!! Wow!
It is sad that most people don\'t understand what widows / widowers are going through. In my widows group we call those people the \'don\'t get its\".
That is why I love DS and my widows groups that I\'ve joined... because all these people \"GET It\". Hang in there my friend.
You are not abandoned!! We all are here to encourage & bless each other.
Hugs, Linda
A year and a day and our house is up for sale. A year and a day since David went into hospital and never came home. I was crushed when some family members said to me \"oh, it\'s been that long already?\"
As you said - an interruption in their life, something awful happening to me, but then life goes on. I just love eating alone every night. I just love looking out the window and pining for David. I just love one toothbrush in the bathroom and most of his clothes gone. I just love sleeping alone with no warm husband to hug. NOT!!! But I guess others just don\'t \"get it\" and why should they? I sure didn\'t until it happened to me.
Use her towels, absorb her vibration, wear her clothes (well not the underwear) and sleep with her nightclothes. It helps. And why not?
Sending you blessings and hugs.
Ken,
Use everything of Abby\'s. Use it, hold it, smell it, cherish it. I am so happy that I never saved anything \"for good\". We used the best china, the most delicate wine glasses and all the good linen. How sad I would be if I had saved any of it to be used \"later\". I\'ve come to realize that \"moving on\" is not about forgetting, it is about wrapping myself in the warmth of Jim\'s love and devotion and still being able to breath. I will miss him until the day I die. But I also hold him in my heart forever.
Linda
Ken, I\'m sorry you\'re feeling down again. I know it hits us at such strange times. We miss the everyday stuff more than anything. I miss, not having anyone to call, saying I\'m on my way home. It\'s always the little things. Hope you realize there are people out there, that care about you, even if they don\'t call. Hope you are feeling better, soon. ((((Hugs))))
Paula
Ken, What we all wouldn\'t give for just one more hug or one more moment. I don\'t think that ever goes away but all of us here understand what you are feeling and not for just a moment either. I think everyone is right when they say use Abbys things it will make you feel better in the long run knowing that you had her for awhile and will see her again in heaven. Hugs Diane
Ken, I use everything of Larry`s. I swim in his sweat shirts and T shirts but I feel he is still with me when I wear them. Before he died, he gave everything away and picked out certain shirts he wanted me to keep. Your Abby would love to see you using her things. I agree my friends don`t get it and many of them have just moved on with their lives thinking I should do the same. I am certain your friends still care...until you have been there you just don`t understand. The good people here do understand, sending you hugs, Lu Ann
When my husband died I was going through my final week of chemotherapy for advanced stage colon cancer that the doctors were preparing us for my possible death. Because I was so ill and facing my own possible death when he died I did not process any of the pain and simply survived from one day to the next. I am coping with being completely disabled on top of trying to adjust to the loss of my husband. No one understands that I can only process the pain and loss in my own way in my own time. Here at DS we can have needed support and process our reality in our own way. I liked what Ann shared with you about using clothes. I still to this day ware my husbands clothes and cherish his possessions and live my life in a way that honors his memory. It is what gives me peace and happiness it is now my life.
((hugs)) Patricia
It is amazing how quickly people forget. I know it is not easy. This month is a full year since the symptoms started for my late hubby. I have met someone and he had unresolved issues with his divorce just as I had unresolved issues with my late hubby and that is making us bond. A bond with others helps us grow and please know we are all here for you. Sending you a hug and hoping each day gets a little better. Renee\'
Ken,
I so understand people thinking we need to move on. Put how no one seems to be able to say. Love does not stop just because one is not here.
We can\'t just make our heart stop loving. I have learned each one of us needs to take our own time in our own way on this grief journey. Use those towels, and any thing else your wife loved. That and our memories are all we have left. Take care friend.
hugs,
Cie