just feeling kinda not good but not bad.

im not sure what i am feeling right now. everything just seems so confusing. and its making not sure what to feel. with my one friend. its just like even though she emailed me before she left. i still can't forget the good and the bad things she said in the past. they still don't add up. i wish i there was a way that i could tell if she is for real or not?? and i wish i could tell if she really loves me like i love her or if its just different with her like not as strong as i love her. these are the moments i wish i knew what she was really thinking. 
but on another note. there are some family members of mine that are really bringing me down. not my immediate family but other family members. like they are such jerks and am just going to have to really limit the times i see them. like i know i have never talked about this before on here but u have no idea how much they have hurt me over the years, like really major stuff that im not sure i can forgive them for, and i feel so much worse about myself when i am with them, so i decided that i am not going to hardly ever visit with them at all. cuz it just makes me feel worse and i feel so much better when im not around them.