Just existing...tired of it

Evey day is the same im tired of it I try to be "strong" to keep going but lately im seriousely starting to wonder what im fighting for I have no family left im in a fake relashionhip with a man who would be better off with out me so he could move on..his family hate me or think im nuts not to sure witch I feel sick almost all the time cant do anything anymore even shopping something I use to love has been taken from me im so embaresed when I have to get one of those scooters cause I lose my breath if I try to walk..they say oh it may take you a while to fully recover I remeber last time I had the exact same surgery I was up and about not long after this was diffrent maybe its ment to be maybe I am reaching the end of my travels in this life...cant say I havent considered it time and again..funny thing is cant tell no one or you get locked up in the looney bin..so I keep it to myself who knows maybe some day I will actuialy get the balls to do what ive known needs to be done for a long time now..just so sick of eveything and I dont want to just take a pill for all my problems anymore...