Just can't stop it from coming

I do not like to show my emotions. I am always the strong one, the one that holds everyone else up. I feel no one seems to care how I am doing. Tomorrow is that dreaded day of days. The big V-Day. I can't seem to hide from it or make it go away. Oh I have tried. And almost thought I would get through it, but NO! Not that lucky! My husband never really did anything for me for Valentine's Day while he was alive but I thought maybe just maybe since we wouldn't living together he might show me some love on at least this day. But now he is gone and I can't even try to hope for that anymore. I feel so unlovable. I tried so hard to make it work. I need to shake this off and move on, damn it! It would have been okay, but a friend who also lost her husband recently posted a wonderful gift that her daughter sent her to help her through this day. I was happy for her, but jealous too! Then a flower delivery guy came to my door. I was hoping maybe someone thought about me, but no he wanted to know if I would take the flowers for my neighbor. Then it hit like a truck square in my face, no, happy thoughts, no I love yous, no flowers, no candy, just emptiness, no way of changing things, no way to make it better. Just regret, guilt and loneliness.