Just Because We Need A Laugh

Just wanted to share some of the goodies friends have been sending me... *Smile*  I posted the Don't Step On The Ducks one for those of us who have recently quit smoking....  I wasn't able to post the pic of the ugly woman... my computer wouldn't let... anyway she had a cigarette in her mouth and I thought well.... if she'd give me a cig.... LOL  and since you're going through this too... I figured yall would have got a laugh with me.... <>      We're so bad even our mayor is a criminal... ________________________  <> DON'T STEP ON THE DUCKS   Three  women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When  they get there, St. Peter says,   'We only have one rule here in  heaven: don't  step on the ducks!' So they enter heaven, and sure enough,   there are ducks all over the place. It is  almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.   Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.  St.  Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to   spend  eternity chained to this ugly man!'     The  next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing.   With him is another extremely ugly man.   He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not  wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she  steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on Oh is he gorgeous... Ummm Yum Yum... St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?' The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck. ________________________   'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'  Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'  The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.'  Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon..... You got nice house.