Just another entry about everything and nothing.

I find myself here to write to try to get the sadness out of my system. I type the words hoping it will help in some small way. I don't know if it does or not. I have read writing things down that worry or bother you is therapeutic.  It makes me sad to know how everyone else is sad from their loss like I am. I know though, that here, I am not judged and I have support from people that understand. That's the good part. In my real life I feel as if people think it's been almost a year Linda, get past it, go on with your life. I feel they think that. I have asked a few and they say no they don't but I think they are just appeasing me. I can see it in their eyes. If you haven't lost the love of your life I guess it easy to think after a year a person should be dealing with their grief better. I lost my Mom and Dad but that is kinda expected in life even though it hurts, we go on. I also lost my 2 sisters, my only siblings. That was hard, so very hard, still hard. If they were here I feel dealing with the loss of my husband would give me the kind of support I need but alas they are not here. To me, your kids, regardless of their age and mine are 42, 48, 49 and 50 are still kids, lol, sounds funny but it's the way I feel. They are busy in their lives and have their own problems and not a lot of time for mine unless it is an emergency. So the loneliness sets in along with sadness, tears, and quiet, so quiet. I honestly feel horrible because when my Dad died I had no idea how my Mom felt.  I never saw her cry, not a tear. I don't understand but I didn't know their relationship. They seemed to love one another. I did go visit her everyday though and eventually moved her in with us so she would not be alone. I feel good for that. I don't know what I expect from life since loosing Brownie. Is there happiness after this kind of loss. I know some others have gone on and found happiness but they were younger. Who knows. No one knows their destiny, but when I wonder about it, it doesn't look good. Just sad. I miss you more than you could ever imagine Brownie and love you more than ever. Remember our song you gave me when we met. "There's no way" it is ever so true, Love, Linda