Just Another Day
Another one... I did make headway on the issues at hand yesterday... and was feeling a bit better this morning. I get to work and have a call off . This leaves me with one kid who is like a roulette wheel. Twice I have been surprised and gotten alot of work and help from him... the rest of the time... not so much. Today was basically one of those latter days. We did what needed to be done... and will continue to do so. This week the boss will be on vacation so I am left to deal with the call offs and half assed help. Not looking forward to it, but nothing I can't handle.
Appt is scheduled for the specialist who will do my cataract surgery... but not til mid September. Checks came from Dave's ESOP. I have to deposit and can finally take care of debt and big chunk of mortgage. I still have more things coming at me to deal with, but is time I do them (instead of putting them off) Need to clean out the house. Pick up one or two pieces of furniture for the living room . Get them to haul away crap... list a few antiques online.
It's like a ton of busy work... Yeah, I know . It's life... and it sucks. I am again going through the motions. I will say I am greatful for that though. I know how bad one can feel in that deep dark hole with feeling of no way out. I am not there. I am also thankful that I do have many who do care. But at the end of the night, I am curling up alone.. with nothing but a blanket or pillow to hold onto. For some reason... last night and today.. I was remembering Dave's last night here (just before he was taken away... and with his biggest fear... never to return. )
Now here I am... doing what i dreaded that he did try to teach me... simply to go through the motions. It is called survival... and whatsmore... LIFE. I got a taste of much more that is out there. Once again I ache for more, but am not foolish enough to overlook the obvious and try to imagine something not really there. Trying to accept reality and stop counting and searching for dreams.
Replies
Kim I do not know what ESOP check stands for?
it sucks that someone you work with is like roulette wheel about how well they help you out....that is bad odds....LOL But your surgery is on schedule.....I did not know your eyes were that in need.....I am starting to get them....but that is not yet a thing to consider in my case.....I just had eye exam a month ago and it is time to get new glasses....I am trying to hold on and afford them without debting to myself in loan against my stock margin again....I can put it off a few months,....maybe buy them as my birthday present to myself in Nov.....
as for help with clearing out the house....what are you doing? you just replacing things or planning to move elsewhere? One thing I will say is there are free sites that are out there where people will come take junk you offer free away to use for themselves....I used ReUseIt site on yahoo groups but then yahoo groups left....now I have a Trash Nothing site....give this junk away rather than paying to get it hauled away....look for freecycle groups in your area and post anything that you want gone free there and then they come get it at your convenience....
Sorry to hear that today was another one of those days. I was happy to read that you weren’t in that deep dark hole though. Let’s keep you out of there!
Make a list of things you have to do and slowly tick things off the list. It doesn’t all have to be done today. One day at a time and chip away at that list. Don’t forget self-care in the process and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
You are not alone! I care and many others here do as well.
Take care of yourself
Love and hugs
Kim
Hugs Kim.
Bill...ESOP....Employee Stock Ownership Plan. Our company gives us stock that grows while we work there.
so you sold his earned stocks? the debt repayment is great and I hope you can give yourself some thing like a manipedi with some of that and a facial get the hair done up? the house stuff is good too....