Just an update (trigger i think)

Okay so things have sucked horribly lately. I went on vacation with my bio dad and that was horrible. I realized he didn't know anything about me. He doesnt know im bi-polar and so when i couldnt control it anymore he started yelling at me and told me to knock it off and so i started crying and then he acted all sweet and innocent... I hated the way he treated me and his stupid wife, but anyways tomorrow me and my gf will have been dating 11 months... I knew i would be really busy for our yr anniversary so i sent her a ring, necklace, and a couple of letters. I love her soo much and she makes everything so much better. So we were eating last night and my mom mentioned our next door neighbor from when i was like three when she mentioned him i start having horrible flashbacks and i got sick to my stomach I remember him giving me candy and telling me it would be okay as he did stuff to me... I called my gf practically crying im just hoping its my mind playing tricks on me... But i realized all those nightmares i have when im raped and stuff it was him in them... I also realized that when i wake up i have bruises on me... I have had a really horrible time with not cutting... I want to sooo bad :'( but thats all i have for now anyways later